Another issue with being this fat is that your back starts to ache.  And, oh, does it ache when I wake up in the morning.  It seems to be getting progressively worse.  I could blame the queen size bed (I'd kill for a king!), or I could blame the fact that when my husband sleeps alongside me I can't move around so much....instead, I'll simply call a spade a spade and admit that it's my weight.  At least part of it is.  OK, most of it.  That, and getting old.

Anyhoo...I wake up each morning soooooo achy.  This morning was the worst it's ever been.  I could hardly move.  I literally had to roll out of bed.  OK, I have to do that anyway cuz the bed's so high that I don't touch the floor.  But I digress.  I've never had to actually do stretching exercises once I was standing.  This morning?  I did.  I was thinking to myself, "Oh god!  What if I'm never back to my regular self again?!"  But, then I remembered that I'm not naturally all that limber ANYWAY...but still.

I hate being fat.  No, no...that's not right.  I don't hate being fat.  I don't like how being fat makes me feel.

(Much better.)

And I hate feeling bloated.  Today, I've been bloated.  No, I take that back.  Bloated since yesterday.  Just feel like crap's in my tummy and it hasn't moved along.  Well, some stuff has....believe you me.  But that's something I will try to keep out of this blog entry...this time.  Anyway, you know that feeling like you're really full...but you've hardly ate anything?  That's how I feel.

I've not weighed myself since Wednesday.  I'm trying to force myself to wait for a week between because sometimes it's a let-down, when I see it.  And I know that with Kurt home over this long weekend (AGAIN!) it won't be so good for me.  Doesn't help that we have cheap food in the house, either.  Starch....carbs....argh!!!  WHY does the healthy food cost so much???  WHY???  WHY????  Someone tell me????

So anyway, back to the topic at hand....my back aches these days.  Any other fatties having that issue?

I just looked down at my arm and saw one of those relatively harmless flat shell beetle looking things looking at me from about 5 inches from my face.  Needless to say, after I shrieked, bringing the dogs running, it didn't live long.  It was rather therapeutic watching it wiggle as it flushed down the toilet.

Note:

This post does not have anything to do with the NICE person that I say that I am in THIS post's #5.  Scary bugs are except!

Nine years ago I married my best friend.  We've had a few rough patches and a couple REALLY rough patches...but, thankfully, we stuck them out and moved forward together.

Nowadays we're happy.  We're broke.  And we're still in love.

I look forward to many more anniversaries with you, Kurt.

 

I'm feelin' lazy and hot today...maybe because it's around 100 and, I believe, summer's officially here.  Or maybe it's just cuz I'm feelin' it.  Whatever it is...here's a lil something to make you smile!

Dieting sucks.

That's all.

Everyone knows, by now, that I'm not happy with my overall health, in general.  I mean, that's why I'm trying to lose weight, right?

But, I thought I'd try something new....

What are the 10 things that I like MOST about me?

1. My hair....it's long, it's gorgeous, it's down to my ass!  And ok, it's starting to get some grays along the hairline, but they're EARNED grays...so I'm ok with them being there.
2. My smile.  My husband says it's the greatest thing he loves about me; I believe him!
3. My youthful genetics.  OK, maybe some of it is also the fact that the fat in my face makes me not have wrinkles...but my mom's side looks young for their ages...so I'm gonna run with that part, too.  I haven't been carded lately...but when people learn my age they're usually pretty surprised.
4. My sense of humor.  I have to have one to live with Kurt 24/7!  Seriously, though, I may not be a stand-up comedienne, but I can certainly hold my own.
5. My love for animals.  Seriously...I'm one of those people who hate stepping on ants cuz I worry that their family is waiting at home for them to bring home the bacon!  I'm THAT bad!
6. My acceptance of others, regardless of race, religion (ok, maybe the mormons are on my shit list, still, but there's a reason for that!), beliefs, sexual orientation, or creed.  Let's face it, we're all different.  It's what makes the world, and humankind in particular, so darn fun and exciting to learn about!
7. Being short.  OK, there I said it.  I love it!  It makes me different.  How many people can say that they're under 5 feet???  I know a couple....but I know hecka lot more who are over it!
8. I love that I'm good on computers.  Not at putting them together, heck no.  I'll leave that to the bigger dorks than me.  But I can generally find an issue that's in an OS and fix it...or find the answer quick!
9. I love to talk...about me.  About stuff I'm passionate about.  I may not know all the idiosyncrasies about a topic...but if I'm passionate about it then I will learn.  I will do a lot of research and I will find out!  And then I will discuss it with anyone who is willing!
10. My writing.  I know that this blog reads more like a journal than anything else...but it's out there for anyone to read.  And a lot of people do.  I like the idea of that.  I like that I rarely spell stuff wrong and that others ask me how to spell stuff.  And I love that I can write about things that make me happy, or sad, or angry....and know that I'll feel better after I do.

So there you have it.  My list of 10.  I'd love to read your top 10.  Please share.  Just be honest and have fun!

My sweet boy...my lil green chicken...my sweetheart.  My lil guy.  The one to whom a good part of my heart belongs.  He's being mean.  To me!  Usually it's towards Kurt...I mean, he really doesn't like my husband.  But lately he's being mean to me.  And it hurts my feelings.  Don't roll your eyes!  This lil guy is my pal.  We've been through a lot together, he and I.  And when he lunges for me and wants to bite my face off...it hurts.  :(  I can't even pick him up without him biting a chunk of flesh off of me somewhere.  I'm CERTAINLY not gonna let him up on my shoulder next to my face!!!  I've been bitten enough by him on my face, thank you VERY much!

Normally he gets moody like this during his molts.  Well, it's not molting season.  Something that I HAVE done, that I shouldn't, is let his flight feathers grow out.  It's not because I've turned into a PETA advocate...but mostly laziness.  It's a pain in the ass to put both birds into their travel cages and haul them down to the parrot store for wing and nail clips.  It is!  But normally, if you keep their flighters trimmed, they tend to not cop such an attitude.  I'm hoping, maybe, that that is what his issue is.  We're gonna take them to get done today.

But back to the original topic....Nemo's being mean to me.  I find myself getting my feelings really hurt when he does.  I know he loves me.  But it still hurts.  :(  Stupid, I know, letting a bird get to me the way he does.  But darnit...I love the little guy!

Kidding, kidding.  (Honest, B, I don't even taste it!)

Actually...surprisingly, the fish oil seems to be working for me.  And I feel my moods beginning to level out...I don't feel as many mood swings in me as there were.  But maybe I'm not really the one to be asking.  Haha.  I should be asking my husband...but he's sleeping...shhhh!

I weighed today and the scale didn't go up or down.  It stayed the same.  Sigh.  Probably the leftover pizza I had yesterday.  I'm still getting in 3L of water each day...and still peeing like a racehorse!  (Don't look appalled!  You KNOW what I'm talking about!)  I'm trying not to feel TOO bummed about it...after all, I've lost quite a few pounds this past week...I should be happy.  But I'm still a little bummed.  It almost makes me wanna whip out those laxatives and take a few.  Almost.  I'm not crazy!  Those things are expensive!  I can't afford that!  Haha.

Almost there!

That's all.  Just wanted to say it.  Just 1.5 more pounds to go!

Oh!  We ordered pizza last night...and I only had 2 pieces.  This is a huge deal for me, people!  I LOVE PIZZA!!!  Haha!

Recently on Facebook I've been messaged a few times from various people to let me know that they're following my blog and that they find themselves in the same boat as me.  Either short, fat, or both!  Hey...cool!

You know, it took me years to realize that I was never going to be a size 4.  Oh boy, did I ever want to be, once, but now...now, I'm happy to be me.  I'm losing weight so that I'm healthy...so that I can live a longer life, and possibly rectify the infertility issues before I'm 40.  But I will never be 100 pounds.  Hell, I don't even want to be 120 pounds!  My goal is 150...I've been less than that, once, but I'll be happy there.  Healthier, no doubt.  But I want to keep my curves.  I feel....sexy, with curves.  :)

But once upon a time I wasn't that way.  I wanted to be thin.  Thin was in.  Thin was what made you popular in high school.  Thin gets you jobs, dates, etc.  Thin gets you into clothes that you'd never wear otherwise.  Thin is just more acceptable by society.

Fuck society.  Accept who you are.  Love yourself.