I was thinking to myself earlier today, whilst trying to locate the THR for obese people, that being short really messes up exercise info.  Most information out there is based on the average woman's size/height.  We already know my size is far above where it should be, but my height, that's where things get tricky.  See, I was looking for songs to jam to for exercising, and came across numerous sites that said along the lines of "these are great for warm ups and these are great for full on cardio..."  The thing is...my legs are too darn short to walk that fast!  My full on cardio is their equivalent of warming up!  So basically, all of the songs that I'm able to listen to with the right BPM are slow and boring....  So, of course I just said f**k it and downloaded what I wanted.  I just think it sucks.

OK...vent over.  :)

Do you fellow fatties ever have people just look at you in disgust?  No longer do they actually SAY anything to your face about how fat you are...but instead just look at you with a mix of "I'm so glad I'm not you" and, "stop eating donuts, you fat pig!"  Seriously....get off it.  If I'm this fat...I don't need your snooty looks reminding me.  I am reminded practically every moment of every day...from the time I wake up in the morning with a sore back to the time I crawl into bed at night with aching knees, feet and ankles.  I don't need you to remind me that I'm fat!

You know what you REALLY need to do?  You need to reevaluate yourself.  Seriously.  If you want to put forth the effort into shooting iced daggers towards me, just stop.  Ask yourself why are you even bothering?  Am I bothering YOU?  Am I in your way?  Am I taking up half of your airline seat?  The answer is no.  I don't fly anymore because I know I"m too fat.  Besides...it's freakin' embarrassing asking for the damn seatbelt extender!  So why are you bothering wasting negative emotions on me; someone you don't even know?  No, I get that you didn't SAY anything...but you were the kid back in my formative years who never missed an opportunity to do so!  You're the one who stalked me through the halls, oinking at me, laughing at me, harrassing me, and making me feel like I was inferior to you.

Guess what?  I'm not.  In fact, I'm quite smart.  What have YOU done with YOUR life, I might ask?  I'm absolutely, positively happy with the choices that I've made in MINE.  Are YOU?

So before you look at me like I'm the scourged, epitome of evil....take a moment to reflect on just what it is that you're angry at me for.  My guess?  Jealousy.  Because I don't have to worry about being a size 2....ever.  Why bother try to achieve the unachievable?  To me...it's a waste of MY time and my energy.  I have far more important things to be spending it all on.  Work, family, learning, growing.

So go ahead...have at it.  But if you're meaning to make me feel bad?  Don't bother, because....

I am rubber, you are glue....

(Note: This is not an event that has happened to me recently, but instead one of many instances of this sort that happened to me when I was young.  I write about it in support of others who may not be as strong as I am now, to help them stand up and to give them a voice.  Or at least let them know that they're not alone.)

The past several weeks have been crazy hectic.  Preparing for school, getting my student loan, getting the new computer (FINALLY), K's computer dying, K's computer being in the shop for a week, getting K's computer back for a few days and having it die on us again, K's computer BACK in the shop for another week, K and I calling them every day for updates that we never received, me finally calling and demanding to speak with the store manager (fuck those little peon assistant mgrs!), chewing him out for having geniuses with no brains, him assuring me that they do, indeed have brains, him telling me K's computer is officially on the shelf and not working and that they'll send a new computer to replace it (improved and updated), waiting yet another week for new computer to arrive, meanwhile, watching our shows on Hulu and Netflix dvd's on my new laptop, me not having the time I wanted or needed to keep up with MY stuff, mom visiting us and turning the house upside down for the yard sale and a huge clean-up of the back room, school starting last Saturday instead of on Tuesday (as I was planning) and me finding out just a day before, first week of school down, english will be fun but math may be a challenge, Spanish...well, I dunno yet!  And finally, being broke again, as we've paid everything and still need the remainder for K's student loan through January.

Being broke is no new thing, obviously.  But I sure do dream a lot of when I'll have my degree and be able to pursue a career that I love.

As for the weight loss...I may not have been writing in my blog but I don't forget to update my little ticker in the top right.  I didn't meet my semi-unrealistic goal of 25 pounds in one month...but I did lose a decent 12 pounds.  I will take it!!!  The 25 would have happened if I weren't on my anti-depressants.  But that's ok.  Like I said...I'm happy!

So we got our main computer back today.  Yep, yep...we're stoked about that.

And this morning when I weighed myself, I'd lost another 4 pounds...so I've lost 10.5 in total, so far.  I'm stoked about that, too.

I'm still walking every day on my treadmill for 45 minutes...and I'm stoked about that.

My clutch is going out on my car.  I'm SO not stoked about that.  It's soft and smooshy and I'm so tired of us having all the bad luck.  It's not fair!  When is someone ELSE gonna get some of this load???  We have my student loan planned out to the dollar...we don't have any extra for fixing the car!  Arrrghhh!!!

Someone just stab me now.  I'm tired of this life.  I want a new one!