The past few days the Metformin has had me feeling pretty uggy.  (Yes, I know, uggy is not a real word....but it is in MY world!)  Anyway, I've been feeling uber bloated, and not hungry at all.  And what's the most scary is that ice cream isn't even good to me, right now.  Neither are McD's fries!  I tried eating some Ben & Jerry's last night and only got a few spoonfuls in before I started feeling nauseous.  The fries were the same way....I ate maybe five of them before I stopped, because it was making me sick.  Even a frappaccino isn't tasty to me!  Since when has THAT ever happened????

I know Metformin is supposed to quell my cravings for carbs and sugar, but DAYUM....

It's also another TOTM for me.  Talk about a shocker - 5 weeks to the day.  I'm impressed.  Going from over a year, to twice in a row.  I'm not sure what's better...this uggy feeling caused from the Metformin, or being regular again.  At the moment, I'm just not sure!  Ask me in a week, or two. 

In the meantime, I forgot to weigh myself this morning in my preoccupation with my Spanish test, so I'll weigh tomorrow.  I hope that this uggy, bloaty feeling doesn't affect it, but it probably will.  It usually does.

I haven't had a chance to start checking everyone's blogs out, but I promise to get to it in the next day, or so.  Currently, I'm working on an English paper, and studying for a math test!  My life's a mess, at the moment.  But after the paper is turned in and the math test is over, I should have a few moments to myself before needing to do it all over again!  I do love being back in school!  :D

I know, I know...it's me again with my multiple posts.  Ha.  I can't help it!

If any of you are following, I will ALWAYS update my ticker in the top right corner of the blog, even if I don't get to blogging the update for a few days.  Every Saturday you will see an update...unless, of course, it's a no loss/no gain...in which case, you'll just have to wonder until I update.  Haha.

So, now that that's out of the way, last Saturday, the scale said that I'd lost another 2 pounds.  I'm SO stoked.  That means that, so far, since I started my determined weight loss journey, I've lost about 25 pounds.  My guess is a little less, now, but I won't know for sure until Saturday morning.

So, I was celebrating just a little in my heart and mind last weekend.  I'm so stoked for myself!

And I'm still treadmilling daily, with the exception of Sundays, for 50 minutes on a 7% incline now.  I upped the incline.  I like feeling the burn in my buns.  Ha.

My, oh my, was I wrong when I thought that Spanish would be an easier course.  Don't get me wrong, it's fun, but ay dios mio, it's much more difficult than I imagined it would be!  I mean, here I was thinking that I know some words here and there from living where I do and watching TV, it should be a cinch!  NOT! 

Now, if I were wanting to learn CONVERSATIONAL Spanish, which is what one would learn if one were to be 100% immersed in a Spanish speaking country for 6 months, then I would do just that!  But, nooo, I have to go and learn the book Spanish! 

I have a test on Saturday, the first one of the semester, and I'm a little nervous...can you tell? 

I was studying with my friend, Angela, who is from El Salvador (Angie, I'm so sorry if I remembered wrong!), and speaks English as her 2nd language, earlier today.  She was like, "What the f**k, Shauna, this isn't how we speak Spanish!"  Hahaha.  She was great with helping me, though, and I cherish her for that.  We met during Spring semester when we had math and english together.  We are taking English together again, however, she's now ahead of me, by one, in math, cuz she took a summer class.  It works out, though, cuz my strong suits are her weaknesses, and vice versa.  Plus, she's just a fun girl to hang out with!

Math is going well, too.  It's funny that when I was doing this level before, in my life, I had such a hard time wrapping my head around it and grasping the concepts.  But, I'm learning, that math is actually quite easy...and it makes sense.  Where else do the rules NEVER change???  Certainly not in English!  So, I'm learning a deep respect for numbers, and variables, and integers, and geometric shapes, and, and, and.....  You get the idea.

English has been great so far.  I'm taking the same instructor that I had during Spring semester because she just totally rocks.  Patty's definitely one of the better instructors that I've had, since being back in school.  And, I've learned, that there are definitely bad ones!  We have a first paper draft due on Tuesday, so this weekend I'll be writing like a fiend.  I think, maybe, that's why I'm catching up on my blog NOW.  Because I know that I may not have another down moment during this weekend, between studying for Spanish, writing my English paper, and studying for my math test, which is on Tuesday.  God, I love college!  I love having my brain work again!  I feel so dormant during the summer months!

One of the blogs that I follow, Donut Therapy, mentioned this awesome challenge happening over at another blog, Log My Loss.  Now, some of you may know that I'm rather competitive with myself.  I don't mind so much competing against others, because, essentially, why do I care what other people think???  This is my journey, my goal, my loss, my life - should I really care about competing with others?  No.  However, and this is a big HOWEVER, I do compete with myself.  I wonder if that makes as much sense written out as it does in my head....  I don't feel TOO bad when I don't lose..or when I gain a little...but I do feel a little bit bad.  So anyway, I'm rambling.

Basically, this challenge is about the last 100 days of the year.  I will let Steve, from Log My Loss, explain it to you better. 

"What is the Hot 100?  The Hot 100 is a challenge focused on the last 100 days of 2010.  September 23, 2010 starts the clock.  From that day forward there are exactly 100 days left in 2010.  One hundred days to make this your year.  One hundred days to achieve your goals.  One hundred days, each and every one of which can be a great day!"

I DO want to mention that, although he mentions September 23, he's giving everyone until October 1 to be in the game.

And so, as I mentioned, this isn't a challenge against others...but WITH others.  Hopefully, with all of the great support available out there, we can ALL achieve our goals.  Now, part of the Hot 100, is that I need to set some goals for myself.  At least three.  That's easy enough, so here goes....

1. Keep up with my current water intake.  My current goal is 2.5 Litres per day.  Sometimes I drink a little more, most of the time I drink a little less.  I need to stay on top of it.  It's hard to do when I'm in class part of the week.  The instructors frown on jumping up to pee every 10 minutes!  But, I'll learn to deal with it.
2. Keep up with my current treadmill goal.  I've successfully made it to the point where it's become a habit, and one that I enjoy, but some days are much harder to get my arse on there than others.  I'm sure most of you understand where I'm coming from with this!
3. Whatever I do, no matter what happens, I will maintain a positive attitude towards not only my weight loss journey, but my school, family, and money issues.  When I allow the rest of my life to take over my mind,  it affects the rest of what I'm setting out to accomplish.  This needs to stop.

So that's it.  You can click on the links within this post to go check out the challenge info, or you can find (and click) on the link in the sidebar, to the right.  I hope to see you joining this challenge with myself, and many others, as we all share the common goal of wanting to be healthy.

Let's hear a "BOOYAH!!!"

Do you fellow fatties ever have people just look at you in disgust?  No longer do they actually SAY anything to your face about how fat you are...but instead just look at you with a mix of "I'm so glad I'm not you" and, "stop eating donuts, you fat pig!"  Seriously....get off it.  If I'm this fat...I don't need your snooty looks reminding me.  I am reminded practically every moment of every day...from the time I wake up in the morning with a sore back to the time I crawl into bed at night with aching knees, feet and ankles.  I don't need you to remind me that I'm fat!

You know what you REALLY need to do?  You need to reevaluate yourself.  Seriously.  If you want to put forth the effort into shooting iced daggers towards me, just stop.  Ask yourself why are you even bothering?  Am I bothering YOU?  Am I in your way?  Am I taking up half of your airline seat?  The answer is no.  I don't fly anymore because I know I"m too fat.  Besides...it's freakin' embarrassing asking for the damn seatbelt extender!  So why are you bothering wasting negative emotions on me; someone you don't even know?  No, I get that you didn't SAY anything...but you were the kid back in my formative years who never missed an opportunity to do so!  You're the one who stalked me through the halls, oinking at me, laughing at me, harrassing me, and making me feel like I was inferior to you.

Guess what?  I'm not.  In fact, I'm quite smart.  What have YOU done with YOUR life, I might ask?  I'm absolutely, positively happy with the choices that I've made in MINE.  Are YOU?

So before you look at me like I'm the scourged, epitome of evil....take a moment to reflect on just what it is that you're angry at me for.  My guess?  Jealousy.  Because I don't have to worry about being a size 2....ever.  Why bother try to achieve the unachievable?  To me...it's a waste of MY time and my energy.  I have far more important things to be spending it all on.  Work, family, learning, growing.

So go ahead...have at it.  But if you're meaning to make me feel bad?  Don't bother, because....

I am rubber, you are glue....

(Note: This is not an event that has happened to me recently, but instead one of many instances of this sort that happened to me when I was young.  I write about it in support of others who may not be as strong as I am now, to help them stand up and to give them a voice.  Or at least let them know that they're not alone.)

I gained .5 pounds this past week.  I've been feeling pretty bloaty all week from the Metformin so I'm pretty sure that's what's going on.  The exercise is still happening and nothing has really changed.  I'm a little bummed out...but I can't let it get me down too much.  I can only go forward from here.  That's all I want!

In getting back in touch with my cousins and other relatives from my dad's family, I've learned some disturbing news.  The first, I can't remember if I mentioned this already in my previous blog, my Aunt R had died back in 2007.  I was saddened.  She is an integral part of my childhood memories.  To know that I will never see her again is difficult for me to comprehend, yet I must.  The second, my Uncle F has passed away, as well.  I was floored upon hearing that news.  So much has happened that I didn't know about...so much sadness.  My uncle didn't have any services, though, so I suppose there's not much that I could have done, anyway.

My dad has been holding a pretty large and drastic grudge against my Aunt R, though, for the past 15 years, or so.  He kinda got himself off track after my folks first split up and he ended up on a lot of people's shit lists (including mine); at which point he disappeared for 14 years.  Nobody had heard from him.  Nobody knew where he was; how he was.  It was like he was just gone...from existance.  For a few years, I'd check in with my Aunt R to see if she'd heard anything from him...of course, the answer was always negative.  Eventually, I moved on with my life, giving up on the idea that I'd see him again.

And now I learn of my dad's two siblings' deaths.  He's lost a brother and a sister.  I wonder if that will be cause enough for him to reach out to his remaining family again.  I'm truly hoping so.  So now, K and I are planning a trip over the hill this coming weekend, to see my dad.  I need to break the news of their deaths to him.  I'm not really sure how to do it...or what his reaction will be.  How would I feel if someone were to tell me that my sister had died?  I honestly don't know.  I love my sister, no matter our huge and vast differences, and, to me, she's just always out THERE.  I always know that I can pick up the phone and call her if I wanted to...not that I do that very often....but, for instance, her birthday is coming up...I'll call her then.  What would I do if I couldn't do that anymore?  Knowing that whatever disagreements we had going on could no longer be resolved...  I love my sister.  I hope my dad cares about his siblings the way that I do about my sister.

I suppose I needed to go see him again soon, anyway.  He's been calling me with computer/internet questions...he'll never learn if I don't show him at least a few times!

About a week ago, my friend, Christopher, contacted me via Facebook to see if both myself and my husband could help him pack up his house to move on Thursday and Friday.  After conferring with K about it, we went after he got off work on Thursday to help out.  When we walked in the place was barely even touched by way of packing.  And it was a huge house!  So much to do...and all by Saturday!  Yikes!  K and I went to town on packing up the kitchen...easily the biggest pain in the ass of any moving project due to all the glassware and individual packing.  We got, perhaps, 1/2 of the kitchen done before we needed to get back home to get some rest.  I returned the following day to finish up and help wherever else I was able.  We didn't have a lot of help....a few people at any given time...but we managed to get his house packed up and ready to go by Friday's end.  It was amazing; working together to get things done was smooth and it felt great to be helping out a friend.  And, although he insisted on paying us, it still felt good to help him out.  I'd have helped him out either way.

Best of luck with your move, Christopher.  I am sorry for the reason why you're having to go, and best of luck with all of that.

So after my last blog entry, I was feeling relatively nostalgic and, once again, decided to attempt to locate some of my dad's side of the family on Facebook again; to no avail.  I just couldn't find any of them!  So, I started wondering if I was spelling anything right...or if, perhaps, some weren't even using any of their maiden names.  An a-ha moment on my part, to say the least.  But I still couldn't figure out how I'd find them, if that were the case.  Till I remembered a super awesome people finder website called Zaba Search.  In the results that it brings up you can click on a name and see all the other names that are associated with that person...maiden name, children's names, etc.  And it finds everything...phone numbers, addresses, yada yada.  So, I popped in one of my relatives names...and sure enough, I found them!  And then, by looking up that name on Facebook, I was able to find that person...and using their list of friends, found oh so many more!  Needless to say, I'm pretty stoked about the whole thing.  I was bummed to learn that my aunt Rita had died back in '07.  She is a huge part of my childhood memories...and I would have loved to have been able to attend her funeral.  :(  I'm honestly unsure why I wasn't notified.  My mom has always been in the phone book, and to get a hold of me they could have called her.  But, I suppose it's all water under the brige at this point.  I'm just happy that we're in touch again.  It's been so long.  And, I'm in touch with a cousin that I barely remember (they lived in ME while growing up so I think I only met them once when I was a kid), which is neat in, and of, itself.

And so...in honor of finding my relatives...I give you this song to listen to.