After months of procrastination and fear of rejection I have finally put the letters to the vets/doggy daycares/pet stores in the mail.  It took my EPY class for me to figure out why I've been putting off printing them out and mailing them.  I've been fearing the rejection that I was certain was going to happen.  But I can't think like that anymore.  Now I KNOW that one of the letters will find SOMEONE who needs help in their animal business.  I can't afford for them not to.  I need work ASAP!  Before winter hits bigtime and skyrockets our power bill through the roof.

Pray, chant, sent vibes....or just send good thoughts.  I can use them all right now!

Of course I've always known that there were people out there like this...but I'd never actually ENCOUNTERED any of them first hand.  OK, that's not true...my exhusband is a major racist and homophobe...and I really hated that about him.  I mean, how embarrassing is THAT to live with???  Helloooo...EX-husband.  Anyway...I digress...

Today in my EPY class we talked about the GLBTQ community and how we can support them on campus.  Now, you're probably saying..."what's EPY?"  It's hard to explain, really.  Basically it's a college success class.  We use the book "On Course" but we also learn tolerance (ha!) and about the various things that the college offers us as students.  It's deeper than that but that's the most basic of definitions.  Anyhoo...back to today's class.  We had guest instructors today who announced that they were teaching the class.  They introduced themselves as gay and lesbian.  Immediately to my life is a woman who is around her mid-fifties, I want to say, and she immediately had a very cold feeling about her.  Normally she's a very happy woman with always something kind to say.  I didn't really think much of it because I'm not one to practice intolerance of anything but stupidity.  They began the class with a short little movie about a gay couple in a bar and how others reacted to them being there.  When it finished she had a massive scowl on her face and when I asked her if she was ok she said she was pissed.  I thought, great!  She's pissed at how this couple was treated in the bar.  No go.  She was pissed that we were covering this topic in class!  She was more than pissed.  She was livid!  They passed out blank pieces of paper to us and told us to write down any questions that we might have.  She passed hers on saying "I'm not doing this".  Then they passed out a paper with questions on it for our own viewing that basically gives you an idea of how tolerable or accepting you are.  She didn't even touch it...like it was poison or something.  They we began an activity where we all introduce ourselves and say that we're either lesbian or gay after our name.  It was just a role play but she up and left.  I understand that she may have been uncomfortable saying that she was a lesbian or whatever...but to honestly up and leave the class or behave the way she did was so uncool.  In this day and age...ESPECIALLY on college campuses you need to be tolerable of all kinds of people.  This woman is obviously not.  It irritated me to badly that after class I called my husband and vented to him about the small-mindedness of some people.  A true "sport" would have just said "hey, this is not my thing but I'll play along because it's only 1 hour and 15 minutes of my life".  It really angered me that she couldn't do that.  That she behaved as though she were in HS or even younger.  I had fun doing the role plays...and the rest of the class...even a few of the guys who were obviously uncomfortable...all played along and were great about it.  Why couldn't this one woman have been?

I know that not everyone has the same open mindedness that I do.  That more people should.  But it saddens me that she couldn't put aside her petty beliefs for one class.

*Sigh*

This ties in, also, to the civil rights chapter that we studied a few weeks ago in my poli-sci class.  There is nothing that makes my blood boil faster than people who get the short end of the stick...ESPECIALLY because of skin color.  OOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!!!  Don't get me going...I feel my blood pressure rising even now!  Seriously!

In the spirit of the 60's movement....make love not war.

I was just sitting here waiting for it to be time to leave for my class when I realized that for the first time in a long time...I'm happy.  Not the happiest I've ever been nor the happiest I'll ever be...but I am content.  I am happy.  I have a wonderful husband whom I love dearly and who loves me in return.  I have a family who loves me and for the most part offers support in my decisions.  I have a crew of critters that totally rock and help me with my anxiety and stress in ways that they'll never understand and that only I will totally appreciate.

I am happy.  And that is nice.

So I got my score back on my big poli-sci test the other day and surprisingly got a B on it.  He did say that the test scores will probably go up as he decides whether or not to grade on a curve and which questions he's going to throw out on account of a lot of people missing them.  So....I'm happy with a B!  I'm excited for the B!  I'm so glad it wasn't a C!  Yikes!  I have to maintain a GPA of 3.0 or higher to be eligible for financial aid so if I get an A in my two other classes I will come out ahead in my required GPA.  So here's to keeping my grades up!

I know I keep saying this but I am TOTALLY enjoying being back in school again.  Who knew???  Learning new things...interacting with others my own age or thereabouts...it's just FUN!  I highly suggest it to those of you who have been out of the loop for years like me to get back in the game...it's amazing at how much better you can do when you go into it with a positive attitude!

I've been having a lot of fun with my rock history class, too.  It's fun to say that I HAVE to listen to certain music for my studies.  And it's not bad stuff.  Not that I've really heard any music that's bad...just different.  But so far we're studying older stuff.  Blues, folk, gospel, soul...now we're at psychedelic rock.  Pretty nifty.  And the instructor is excited about his subject which makes it all that much better, as well.

My EPY class is fascinating as well.  It's teaching college techniques like study habits and positive thinking.  Last Thursday we were in the library learning about all of the cool stuff that is available to us as students not just in the library but online.  I was shocked and very impressed.  Sadly I wasn't able to find any information on my thesis for my poli-sci class...but I have a feeling I'll be able to use it a lot for my next classes.

As for the weight thing...well, nothing to really report there.  I'm disappointed in myself that I haven't been able to lose any more weight.  It's like I lost those 10 pounds once I moved back home and then nothing.  I know I should make time on the treadmill...but, ok, I admit that I hate getting all sweaty.  Bleah!  I'm just looking for excuses...I know.  I know.

Did you know that studies have shown that men become sexually aroused nearly every time they dream.

I'm pretty sure that I won't be alive to see what it's like fifty years from now.  But I wonder what kind of surprises it has in store for future generations.  I can't even begin to imagine.  I don't even really know if the country will still be the same as it is now...or if we'll have had another revolution to clean things up a bit and set things right.  Do you wonder?

What are some of the things you hope the future will bring to the generations following us?

Watching my 9 year old retriever heave herself up to her feet to go outside and seeing her limping from stiff joints brings home the fact that she won't be with us a whole lot longer.  Her breed isn't known for long-term lives.  We tend to grow extremely attached to our pets and make them more family than some of our own human relatives.  And that's the way it should be.  It breaks my heart to know that someday she won't be with us anymore.

And then I start thinking about how time marches on whether we want it to or not.  Time.  Wow.  I swear it was just a few years ago that I was ten years old and entering fifth grade.  Where did it go???  And forget the fact that the years these days pass more and more fast.  Wasn't it just xmas a few months ago???  And here we are just a few months from it again!  Summers are shorter (at least it seems that way), winters are longer.  And life...continues to happen.

Going back to school was one of the greatest decisions that I could have made and I'm absolutely loving it and my classes.  I'm looking forward to having a career eventually instead just a job.  I'm looking forward to knowing that I'll be happy with my life.  I'm looking forward to having steady and good income...and vacations!  In this respect...I sure wish time would move faster...because I want to get on with living!

Remember back in the 70's when your mom would send you out to play with your friends on  Saturday all day and never see you until it got dark?  And even then you'd call home and beg to stay overnight at a friend's place?  Remember when there were no cell phones and instead when our mom's wanted us home for dinner she'd stand outside and call our name?  Remember when the norm was to play kick the can until dark with the neighborhood kids and everyone was friends and nobody judged anybody else?  Remember when there was no AIDS or worry about stranger danger?  Remember when phones had rotary dials and you had to wait for it to finish rotating back before dialing the next number?  Remember when our parents rarely visited our kindergarten class, if ever?  Remember when we began school each day with the pledge of allegiance?

Where are those days?  What happened?  WHY did what happened happen?  Did humans just evolve into evil?  Do we want to see others hurt that much?

How sad that our children today will never experience that which we did as children at their age.  How sad that kids today have to beware and alert for danger around every corner.  How sad that childhood innocence doesn't last nearly as long as it should.

Thank goodness.  I was really stressing that test!  I didn't do TOO bad on it.  Not great..but I don't think too bad, either.  I suppose we'll see when I get it back on Monday or Wednesday.  Cross your fingers!  I have to maintain a B average if I want to keep getting financial assistance so this is a must.

OK so when I first decided to go back to school I was skeptical somewhat on how I'd do.  Would I be the only older person in a sea of youth or would I fail all of my classes in spite of the fact that I studied very hard?  I had a lot of negative tapes running around in my mind...I still do sometimes.  They're not all gone.  For instance...I'm taking a political science class.  I totally love it.  I love learning about the constitution, federalism, the framers....but when I read the chapters I'm completely lost.  I have no idea what they're saying.  Which is disappointing because it's causing me to believe that I won't do well on the first test (next Wednesday).  I WANT to do well.  I study well and hard.  I'm doing very well in my other classes...more than very well...I'm totally rocking!  But I'm still a little scared about the poli-sci class.  I'll let you know how I do next week on the test when it happens.

Something that kind of bugs me about that particular class, as well, is that I swear everyone doesn't want anything to do with the fat chick.  They'll all pass a paper around for us to write on for role call but it will go all around me (literally) without actually being handed TO me.  I kind of made a comment the other day that I was too big to be invisible.  There were a few shocked stares but still...no paper.  I'm not sure how to read that.  Is it a big deal?  Should I just let it pass by?  I dunno.  I mean, I'd really like to get to know some of these people because they're smart...and I could do well to study with them a time or two.  Maybe I'll ask around today when I go to class.

I took another history of rock music test yesterday and totally aced it.  I knew every question and the bonus ones.  Can you say A++?!  Hahaha.  I really enjoy that class and enjoy studying for it.

Well that's it for now...I actually took a moment amidst my homework to type this out.  I best get back to studying.