Kurt and I recently had some money trouble.  No, not anything where either of us is going to end up buried in a cement slab at a construction site, but still...trouble for us.  When you're living paycheck to paycheck, there's just never any extra wiggle room for those unexpected expenses that always seem to crop up from time to time.  Especially in between school loans (like now) when money is super tight.

Kurt's car registration is normally due in April.  But, for whatever reason, we didn't get the reminder card in the mail, and it completely slipped out minds.  Jump ahead a couple months; I ask Kurt if he remembered to register his car since I didn't remember him taking it to get smogged this year.  He thought he remembered...but wasn't sure.  (Being old does that.)  When we got home and pulled up behind his car we saw that, sure enough, it hadn't been renewed.  So, we had to get it renewed during the next paycheck...which was, consequently, when mine was due, also.  So, not only did we have ONE out-of-the-norm expense, but we had two.  It put us in the negative in our checking account, and now we're racking up fees, as well.

We have no backup plan.  We have no outside resources.

Kurt's folks are very old and have been on social security for years.  They spent all of their savings on their house in Tucson and can barely afford the medications that my MIL is taking for her osteoporosis.  He's working a part time job at Walmart as a greeter for minimum wage.

My parents, well, my mom and step dad, are more well off.  Not rich, by any means, but living comfortably.  My mom's recently retired and my step-dad's working full time for the US Postal service, where he's worked for a really, really long time.  Needless to say, they're making more money than my in-laws...and definitely making more money than Kurt and I.  So, I called my mom for help.  A loan.  For 1½ months until my student loan comes in.  I've borrowed from her before and paid it back when I said I would, so she knows we're good for it.

Unfortunately, my mom isn't like most other moms.  I love her.  Don't get me wrong.  She's my mom, and I'd do anything for her.  But, I wish she'd say the same about me.  How to describe my mom....self-centered, self-righteous, jealous.  I didn't want to go to her to ask for money.  I had to about a year ago, and made myself sick after talking to her.  Literally.  She makes me feel like complete shit for asking for help.  She makes it about her.  And she doesn't want just MY thanks, she wants Kurt to thank her, too.  I tell her that we're married, we speak for each other...  In her mind, it doesn't work that way.  Why can't she just help us without the build-up, without the hype.  Why can't she understand and realize that it's embarrassing for me, as an adult, and my husband, as the provider of our family, to ask for help?  She doesn't even want to see things from that perspective, because all I'm doing, in her mind, is putting her out.

She's agreed to loan us the money.  And we're both truly grateful for that.  But whenever she acts this way it seems to drive an even bigger wedge between her and I.  It makes me just not want to be around her...or have anything to do with her.  And it makes me sick to my stomach that I had to ask for her help.

Trust me when I say this....it will never happen again.