There's an old country song by Trisha Yearwood from the 90's that talks about how you can be going along in your life and suddenly you'll hear a song come on that totally takes you back to a specific time and place. I'm sure you all know what I'm referring to.

I was standin' at the counter
I was waitin' for the change
When I heard that old familiar music start
It was like a lighted match
Had been tossed into my soul...

So anyway, I heard a song the other day (not the one I just referred to) that totally reminded me of a totally different time in my life. I was 20 years old and I had nothing but a bright future ahead of me. I had plans and dreams and I thought I was in love. It's funny how things never go quite how you imagined them to go. The twists and turns that life takes you through end up taking you to a completely different spot than you ever thought you'd be at. Would I change some of the things from the past 20 years? You bet I would! Or would I? If I knew that ultimately I would be right here where I'm at now, happy and in love with my wonderful husband and our kids, would I really change anything? Would you?

I know, I know, I've been terrible with writing lately, dear blog, but I have a good reason. M-A-T-H. That's right, math. It's kicking my ass right now and I've been trying to use spare moments to study. I've even stopped going over to the SPCA so much and use that time to study. I have a test coming up on Wednesday and I will admit that I'm worried. The material that it's covering is stuff that I'm just not grasping as fast as I'd like and, well, that creates a lot of stress in my life. The other day I had a break down in a coffee shop that I was studying at. I just started crying because I didn't understand what I was doing and I didn't know how to make myself understand. It's a very frustrating feeling. Needless to say, I've made tutoring appointments for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday before classes to go over all of it in the hopes that I'll be able to grasp it a little better.

As far as weight loss goes, I'm still stuck in my plateau. Or I have been, anyway. Tomorrow is my weigh-in so we'll see how I've done this week. It's getting pretty discouraging, to be quite honest. In three months I've lost about 10 pounds, whereas the previous 3 months I lost a LOT more.

So that's it, blog. I told you I had a good reason for being gone for so long. When it comes down to it, studying has priority over pretty much everything else, as of late. I will tell you, though, that I'm looking forward to summer break when I can hang out at the SPCA more and worry less about math. Blah.

No news in regards to the news I had coming up from the previous post.

But here's a great cover of Little Red Corvette originally by Prince. This particular version is by blues singer, Mark Zito. I absolutely love it!

Enjoy!

It's official! I'm a one woman show...well, me and my ass, that is. It's disappearing! Those pounds might not be coming off as fast as I'd like, but my ass is sure diminishing by the day. As a woman who is intimately in the know about her body, I know all of my lumps, curves, bubbles, jiggles and smooshiness. And I know my ass. And it's smaller. Much smaller. In fact, if my ass gets much smaller I'm gonna have to go ghetto with my jeans and buy a belt to keep them up around my ass. I like my booty...I hope it doesn't disappear altogether! My arms seem to be shrinking these days a little bit, too. I can deal with that. My arms are huge. I hate them. And of course my thighs are disappearing. I used to be pretty much wedged behind the steering wheel of my car once upon a time...now I fit loosely and comfortably. NOW I fit in the desks at school...not that I sit at them. I prefer the big girl table. Cuz I'm a big girl. And I wear my big girl panties. OK, I'm digressing...

I'm gonna have some news in the next day or two. So stay tuned. This amazing disappearing ass lady is on a roll and on her way down, down, down to downtown...

OK, now I'm really digressing. Sorry!

I'm in my photography class, which I find distinctly unchallenging....so I'm bored. So I'm blogging. But now, I must go.

A little late is better than not at all, right?

I weighed in yesterday and found that I'd lost 5 pounds. I'm not allowing myself to get too excited, but I will admit that I was sure a lot happier this week than I was the last few weeks!

Have you ever said to yourself, "I'll just have a bite of ice cream (or whatever your weakness is). One bite won't hurt." So you take the bite, find that you've lost weight at the end of the week and think, "Wow, even though I had that bite of ice cream, I still lost weight! Cool!"

So the following week another opportunity comes up and you tell yourself that just one bite won't hurt, after all it didn't the week before...and then it happens a few times per week, then once a day, then to the point where you eat the whole piece of cake, or whatever. Before long the weight stops come off, you ask yourself where the problem is because you're doing everything that you're supposed to.

We've all been there. We're all human. We're all trying to lose that weight. (Well, most of us are, anyway.) The problem with unconscious self-sabotage is that we tend to allow those extra bites of food to become the entire piece because something, deep inside our mental pscyhe, wants to protect us from being hurt. Protect us from the harmful issues that surround us in the world. If you're like me, you've been fat all of your life (or a good portion of it) and it's what we know...what we're familiar with. The unknown is a scary place for anyone, whether it's in visiting a new restaurant, country, or being 100 pounds lighter than we used to be.

For most of us, our entire identity is built on who and what we've been for most of our lives. For me, it's being short and fat. That's also why I've told myself that I don't want to be thin...instead, I just want to be a healthy plump. My goal weight is 50 pounds heavier than any medical professional will tell me that I am supposed to be at, however it's a good deal less than what I used to weigh. However, I will still be chubby...thus keeping myself still within a comfort level that I am familiar with.

Make realistic goals for yourself. Exercise, eat right, be positive. Don't give in to that internal self wanting to fight to stay with the familiar by allowing yourself that whole piece of whatever. Keep the bite to just a bite...and you'll be so much happier with yourself when you do.

Hitting a plateau several weeks ago was tough, but I still figured I'd eventually start losing again. Here it is, a while later, and I'm still maintaining at the same weight. And for once, this morning I didn't feel at all motivated to get up and get on the treadmill. I found myself asking myself, "Why bother when it's not going to help anyway?" I've been doing everything I'm supposed to, eating the right foods, avoiding the wrong ones, allowing myself tastes of what's bad for me so as to not sabotage everything that I've worked for so far. And still...nothing. The scale doesn't budge.

I have over 100 pounds remaining. I need to find somewhere within me, the will to want to lose. Because right now, as it stands, I'm just not feeling it.

I've hit a plateau in my weight loss. I've been eating properly, certainly exercising, but the scale just doesn't want to move! I'm so frustrated it's not even funny!

So...I'm going to employ another 9 days cleanse. It's basically no food for 2 days while drinking this disgusting drink, then normal "shake" days for the following 5 days, then 2 more cleanse days. The cleanse days are rough since my husband adores eating crap in front of me. Okay, maybe ADORES is a bit strong, but he has no problem doing so. Anyway, something needs to change. I'm getting a little disheartened at the whole ordeal. I still have 100 pounds to lose...I can't hit a plateau NOW!

This week's weigh-in showed a 1 pound gain. *Sigh*

Recently I voiced my opinion on Facebook of my disappointment that my mom has become more conservative as she's gotten older. Saddened at this, my once liberal mom no longer believes in a lot of things that she once did. There are a number of factors that I attribute this change to, since who we are is molded a great deal by what we are surrounded with. She resides in Utah which, as most of the country knows, is quite conservative. Obama didn't win in Utah, I can tell you that! Most, I won't say all since that's just ridiculous, military people are conservative. My step-dad's ex-military, I imagine he'll always be involved somewhat in that life since it's hard to leave almost 30 years of your life in your past for good.

Oddly, when I posted that on Facebook, it wasn't my mom who replied to the post, but my step-dad, who called it bullshit and subsequently accused me of living in "fairyland". I'm a little puzzled at this one...what exactly IS fairyland. Let's take a look at Webster's dictionary and see what it has to say...

Interestingly enough, Webster's has no idea what I'm talking about! The only results I'm able to find are put out by Wikipedia, which is never the most reliable source of information since anyone could log in today and change the wording to the Star-Spangled Banner to the lyrics from Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and call it right. The closest thing that I can find to it is put out by Princeton University. Unsure if that's THE Princeton, or if it's something else entirely. Anyway, it says: "fantasy world; something existing solely in the imagination (but often mistaken for reality)".

Does that mean that MY beliefs are what he considers imaginary? Does the fact that I believe in our president of the United States, the man whom I voted for, mean that he doesn't support him? What American doesn't support their president??? Isn't there a word for that? I can't think off hand (damn meds with the side effect of memory loss!) Anyway, if I live in an imaginary land, does that mean that I'm imagining being poor? Will I wake up tomorrow only to find that I'm a gajillionire and living in Bora Bora? Or maybe school is a dream and I'm still stuck at my old job that I hated. Fairyland... Hmmm, quite interesting.

Unfortunately, I'm now going to have to censor what I say on my own Facebook page, because goodness knows I don't want to be accused of living in a "fairyland" again. Sigh. And just when I thought it was safe to release the breath I've been holding.

It's always difficult when you don't share the same beliefs as the ones that you love. I imagine that the best that I can do is set it all aside and just love them anyway. Because I do. I love my mom, and I love my step-dad, even if he said I live in fairyland! Cuz I know that he doesn't mean any harm in it, that it was an instinctual reaction in sticking up for my mom.

I know they both read my blog on a regular basis, so mom, Randy....from my fairyland to yours...I love you both, and I'm looking forward to seeing you guys next month! :)

I have a friend in one of my classes who has a small chihuahua that has been ill for the past several weeks. The chi is old (around 14, I believe) and was vomiting, and yelping in pain every time he was touched. He could barely move. Obviously the first thought is maybe it's his time.

The thing is is that she isn't established at any veterinarian. She said that her dogs have never been sick so why should she bother taking them to the vet? Now, maybe it's because I feel that my babies are my babies, and not mere animals, so I'm always taking them in for their yearly shots/check-ups, etc. Maintenance is the best care there is when it comes to both humans AND critter kids. I visit my doctor every 3 months so she can monitor my weight loss and blood pressure. It's just the way it is. Often we're short on cash (more often than not!) and are unable to afford other various things at the time of the check-up...so we end up buying cheaper food (or just not as much that month) so that we have extra to take the babies to the vet (or to see the doctor ourselves).

I don't understand when others don't do the same. If it were a human child, would you neglect taking it in every year for shots and the check-ups? No! Why on earth would you do that for a critter baby?

So needless to say, she was basically forcing this poor little chi to suffer in pain and agony simply because she didn't have any money to take him in. Now, my vet knows us by now, after seeing us every year and whenever there's something that's come up, so we're established with her, and they work with us with payments, etc. when we're unable to pay it all at once. We'll usually give her what we can and then pay the rest off when K gets paid or a school loan comes in. But asking a vet who doesn't know you from Joe Blow across the street to allow you to make payments is ridiculous!

Another friend of mine has a cat who is urinating blood. At the simplest, it's a UTI, at worst it could be any number of things! Both he and his husband aren't working, he is bringing in unemployment, and they are unable to take her to the vet. So this poor kitty is having to suffer because of their ineptness.

I understand not having money. I've been unemployed for going on 2 years now, I'm a student, and we're only making our way on K's checks. We're poorer than we've ever been in my life. But we have NEVER made a concession in our pet's behalf if shots or health care were needed. We do what we need to do in order to get them taken care of. It's just who we are.

I guess what I'm saying is...if you can't afford to care for your pet(s) on a daily/weekly/yearly/emergency basis, then PLEASE find someone else who can. Don't assume that because your pet has never been sick that you don't need to take them in. How do you know it hasn't been sick? Have they told you?

Do you take your pet in for shots/check-ups on a yearly basis? Emergencies? Or do you fall into the category that my two friends do?

I'm not here to bash on anyone. I'm just very frustrated that people do this sort of thing. I'd love to hear your input, for or against this topic. Please, discuss in the comments!