I've had to sparingly use my weight loss shakes over the past month due to budget cuts so I'm not getting in the right amount of healthy calories that I should be.  Add that to that old plateau from a while back and going off of Phentermine (I've got a new Rx from my doctor that I'm waiting for payday to fill) and I've put on a few pounds again.  No, I've not gained it all back.  In fact, when I went to the dr. a couple of weeks ago I'd only gained back 7...but still, who wants to see the damn scale go up and not down, right?

The good thing, though, is that although I've been off of my blood pressure meds for several months now my BP was low when I went in.  Instead of being something in my old usual range of around 130-something / 90-something it was 113/73.  I was stoked to say the least!

One of my classes that I'm taking in the fall is an aerobics class.  I'm really super excited to start.  It's probably gonna kick my ass to start but I'm down for it!  Most definitely!

Happy 4th, peeps!  Hope you're having a better time than I am!

Have you ever wondered what your life would have been like had you taken a right instead of a left?  Went straight instead of turned around?  Took one job offer instead of another?

I'm involved these days with dog rescue and transport and fostering.  I'm still volunteering at the SPCA but it's not as often due to my new interests!  I probably make a couple trips each month to Battle Mountain to pull doggies on death row and bring them back to either temp foster or hand off to a new foster family.  It's a satisfying way to feel as though I'm doing something good for the critters out there.

Unfortunately, our newest member that we adopted after my first trip out there has a fascination like you wouldn't believe for birds.  It ended up as Daisy's demise as Mary got a hold of her purely accidentally and killed our birdie.  :(  We've been without Daisy for about 3 weeks now and we still cry when we think about her.  I miss my baby birdie girl.

That being said, it's July now.  And with July in the desert comes high temps.  It just makes me glad we don't live down in Southern NV.  I don't think we'd be able to survive without A/C down there.  It's bad enough up here!  The dogs are listless during the day and perk up in the evening when it gets cooler outside.  Shoot, if it weren't for creepy crawlies outside I'd camp out with blankets at night!  But I don't have a hankering for sleeping with earwigs or firebugs.  Bleh.

I had typed up a big ol' update a few days ago and then my program crashed and I lost it.  Ugh.  So here I go again.
Firstly, let me apologize for disappearing as I have.  It's been a crazy past couple of months.  Seriously.  I'm not making that up!
The Spring semester has ended and I'm in my 2nd week of summer break.  I'm so stoked for this break.  I thought math was going to break me, I swear!  I thought last semester was rough, well kick it up a few notches and that's the difficulty of this last class.  And it's only going to get worse!  I'll be living at the tutoring center in the Fall; that'll be that.
Of course I did swell in both my Writing Fiction and Digital Photography class.  I've got some great photos that I need to put into frames and hang up now.  We're talking some kickass pictures!  Not because of the class...but because I had time to actually go through pics from the past year and print them out in class.  So nice when you have a great photo printer worth thousands of buckeroos at your disposal!
As far as weight loss goes...the plateau that I'd hit really hit me hard.  Not only was I not losing weight, but I was losing momentum in a big way.   I was trying not to, but when you don't lose for well over a month, you lose steam.  Needless to say, I fell into the typical rut that those who lose weight fall into for a while.  It didn't help with all of the stress going on from school and such, either, and I easily started to give a day up here and there with exercise...until finally I wasn't exercising at all.  NOT GOOD when trying to lose weight.
No fear, fellow fatties, I'm back.  Well, technically I never left, but I'm back for a few months again.  Regularly until school's back in again.  You know how it goes.  I'm back on the treadmill daily.  Forcing myself to not take Sundays off again so that I get back into the habit again.  When I feel I'm good and ready, I'll give myself that one day off again.  Until then...I'm full force and gung-ho.  It's not fair that us fatties have to always worry about falling off of the wagon, so to speak.  No matter if we reach our goal...we always have to be in hyper-awareness mode of what we're eating, how much, and when....we will never be free from being fat, not really.  Not fair at all.  In fact, it downright sucks.  I want to be one of those people with the magic metabolism.  Of course I will never be...so here I am, doing what I can with what I've got.
Still no work to be found and we're entering summer where the pickings are slim in the bank, as well.  We're usually tight during the summer until my first part of my student loan comes through.  I really wish I could find SOMETHING.  I am trying to keep busy in the meantime.  I'm still volunteering a lot at the SPCA, we're in the process of moving to a new location.  Bigger and better.  Yay!  I'm also involved in animal transport and have done a few of those now, as well.  Which leads me to my next big news...
K and I would love to introduce you to our new family member...merry Mary.

She's part Chow-Chow part Golden Retriever.  She's got the sweet and loving personality of a Golden, and the fluffiness of a Chow.  We couldn't have been more lucky in a new family member.  She's Emily's age, 11 years, and so she's old and creaky.  Her hips are not what they used to be, I'm sure, and she stumbles or loses her balance from time to time...but she's got lots of kisses and love for anyone she meets and Emily and Peaches are slowly getting used to having her as part of our family.  Mary came into our lives through my transporting some doggies from Battle Mountain County Animal Shelter which is about a 3 hour drive East of Reno.  I didn't leave home expecting to be bringing home a new family member...but she was going to be put down if I didn't pull her, and nobody's shown any interest at all in her being's that she was so old.  K and I have a soft spot for older doggies...they need a loving home in their final years.  That's the least that we can do for them.  So Mary came home with me, along with the two other dogs that I was transporting.  We took her to the vet within a day of her arrival and she got all of her shots and then took her to the groomer where she was thinned out and shampooed.  After that, it was like her entire demeanor went from blue to perky.  She literally prances and dances and shakes her head in joy.  She's such a blessing to us...and will continue to be so.
So that brings me to today.  Now.  Things are pretty much the same as usual.  K celebrated his 51st birthday and so we had a dinner/movie date...something that we haven't done for months and months since there's just not money for that kind of thing.  It was nice to get out with my sweetie pie and just be together without worrying about the kids.
So that's what's been happening with me.  As I mentioned, now that it's Summertime, I will be updating on a more regular basis again.

There's an old country song by Trisha Yearwood from the 90's that talks about how you can be going along in your life and suddenly you'll hear a song come on that totally takes you back to a specific time and place. I'm sure you all know what I'm referring to.

I was standin' at the counter
I was waitin' for the change
When I heard that old familiar music start
It was like a lighted match
Had been tossed into my soul...

So anyway, I heard a song the other day (not the one I just referred to) that totally reminded me of a totally different time in my life. I was 20 years old and I had nothing but a bright future ahead of me. I had plans and dreams and I thought I was in love. It's funny how things never go quite how you imagined them to go. The twists and turns that life takes you through end up taking you to a completely different spot than you ever thought you'd be at. Would I change some of the things from the past 20 years? You bet I would! Or would I? If I knew that ultimately I would be right here where I'm at now, happy and in love with my wonderful husband and our kids, would I really change anything? Would you?

I know, I know, I've been terrible with writing lately, dear blog, but I have a good reason. M-A-T-H. That's right, math. It's kicking my ass right now and I've been trying to use spare moments to study. I've even stopped going over to the SPCA so much and use that time to study. I have a test coming up on Wednesday and I will admit that I'm worried. The material that it's covering is stuff that I'm just not grasping as fast as I'd like and, well, that creates a lot of stress in my life. The other day I had a break down in a coffee shop that I was studying at. I just started crying because I didn't understand what I was doing and I didn't know how to make myself understand. It's a very frustrating feeling. Needless to say, I've made tutoring appointments for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday before classes to go over all of it in the hopes that I'll be able to grasp it a little better.

As far as weight loss goes, I'm still stuck in my plateau. Or I have been, anyway. Tomorrow is my weigh-in so we'll see how I've done this week. It's getting pretty discouraging, to be quite honest. In three months I've lost about 10 pounds, whereas the previous 3 months I lost a LOT more.

So that's it, blog. I told you I had a good reason for being gone for so long. When it comes down to it, studying has priority over pretty much everything else, as of late. I will tell you, though, that I'm looking forward to summer break when I can hang out at the SPCA more and worry less about math. Blah.

No news in regards to the news I had coming up from the previous post.

But here's a great cover of Little Red Corvette originally by Prince. This particular version is by blues singer, Mark Zito. I absolutely love it!

Enjoy!

It's official! I'm a one woman show...well, me and my ass, that is. It's disappearing! Those pounds might not be coming off as fast as I'd like, but my ass is sure diminishing by the day. As a woman who is intimately in the know about her body, I know all of my lumps, curves, bubbles, jiggles and smooshiness. And I know my ass. And it's smaller. Much smaller. In fact, if my ass gets much smaller I'm gonna have to go ghetto with my jeans and buy a belt to keep them up around my ass. I like my booty...I hope it doesn't disappear altogether! My arms seem to be shrinking these days a little bit, too. I can deal with that. My arms are huge. I hate them. And of course my thighs are disappearing. I used to be pretty much wedged behind the steering wheel of my car once upon a time...now I fit loosely and comfortably. NOW I fit in the desks at school...not that I sit at them. I prefer the big girl table. Cuz I'm a big girl. And I wear my big girl panties. OK, I'm digressing...

I'm gonna have some news in the next day or two. So stay tuned. This amazing disappearing ass lady is on a roll and on her way down, down, down to downtown...

OK, now I'm really digressing. Sorry!

I'm in my photography class, which I find distinctly unchallenging....so I'm bored. So I'm blogging. But now, I must go.

A little late is better than not at all, right?

I weighed in yesterday and found that I'd lost 5 pounds. I'm not allowing myself to get too excited, but I will admit that I was sure a lot happier this week than I was the last few weeks!

Have you ever said to yourself, "I'll just have a bite of ice cream (or whatever your weakness is). One bite won't hurt." So you take the bite, find that you've lost weight at the end of the week and think, "Wow, even though I had that bite of ice cream, I still lost weight! Cool!"

So the following week another opportunity comes up and you tell yourself that just one bite won't hurt, after all it didn't the week before...and then it happens a few times per week, then once a day, then to the point where you eat the whole piece of cake, or whatever. Before long the weight stops come off, you ask yourself where the problem is because you're doing everything that you're supposed to.

We've all been there. We're all human. We're all trying to lose that weight. (Well, most of us are, anyway.) The problem with unconscious self-sabotage is that we tend to allow those extra bites of food to become the entire piece because something, deep inside our mental pscyhe, wants to protect us from being hurt. Protect us from the harmful issues that surround us in the world. If you're like me, you've been fat all of your life (or a good portion of it) and it's what we know...what we're familiar with. The unknown is a scary place for anyone, whether it's in visiting a new restaurant, country, or being 100 pounds lighter than we used to be.

For most of us, our entire identity is built on who and what we've been for most of our lives. For me, it's being short and fat. That's also why I've told myself that I don't want to be thin...instead, I just want to be a healthy plump. My goal weight is 50 pounds heavier than any medical professional will tell me that I am supposed to be at, however it's a good deal less than what I used to weigh. However, I will still be chubby...thus keeping myself still within a comfort level that I am familiar with.

Make realistic goals for yourself. Exercise, eat right, be positive. Don't give in to that internal self wanting to fight to stay with the familiar by allowing yourself that whole piece of whatever. Keep the bite to just a bite...and you'll be so much happier with yourself when you do.

Hitting a plateau several weeks ago was tough, but I still figured I'd eventually start losing again. Here it is, a while later, and I'm still maintaining at the same weight. And for once, this morning I didn't feel at all motivated to get up and get on the treadmill. I found myself asking myself, "Why bother when it's not going to help anyway?" I've been doing everything I'm supposed to, eating the right foods, avoiding the wrong ones, allowing myself tastes of what's bad for me so as to not sabotage everything that I've worked for so far. And still...nothing. The scale doesn't budge.

I have over 100 pounds remaining. I need to find somewhere within me, the will to want to lose. Because right now, as it stands, I'm just not feeling it.