Sunday, March 28, 2010

Daily update

Woke up at noon due to being up pretty late last nite.  Not really hungry so right now at almost 2pm I've still yet to make my first shake for the day.  Nor start drinking my water.  Will update more later.

3pm - Shake and accelerator

6pm - 3 slices of pizza

7-9pm - 2 drinks at the bar



Dear blog

What is the point of dieting when I'm denying myself what I want to eat and not losing a single pound because of it?

Depressing.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

School update

OK so this past week I received good news and bad news.  The good news was that I received an A on my mid-term English paper.  Woohoo!  The BAD news was that I got just above a C on my math test.  NOT good.  I was so depressed that I almost binged!  God knows I wanted to!  Probably what saved me was that I was cleansing that day so after I told Kurt that I wanted to eat something I picked up my water bottle and chugged down a whole bunch.

After having a pretty down night and day after the math results came in I've began taking steps to ensure that that sort of thing doesn't happen again.  I've made appointments with math tutors twice a week for an hour each time to go over math and to review what I didn't have down before.  My math teacher will be giving the test again because apparently most of the class did pretty shitty.  So I'm going to be reviewing like mad!

I'm doing pretty good in my Diversity class.  A's on the quizzes and first paper.  Should know how I do on Tuesday with my second paper that I turned in.  I also turned in an extra credit paper.  I haphazardly put that one together so I don't know if I'll have gotten all of the points for it or not.  It's definitely my favorite class, though.  Christopher is an excellent teacher and really gets the class involved.  There are some touchy subjects sometimes but it's fun to hear other people's opinions.

We're past mid-term and on the downward side of the semester.  I'm looking forward to the end.  Haha.

I know that it's been a while since I've updated anything about my Isagenix program.  Truth is that there isn't a whole lot to tell.  I was expecting to do as well as I did on it a couple of years ago but that's not the case.  I'm struggling daily to get in my water, my shakes and meals within my caloric intake range.  In other words...I've not been doing well at all.  :(  Which then, of course, depresses me and I end up wanting to give up altogether.

I find myself surrounded by friends who are getting the lap-band and I want so badly to get one.  But as long as I'm paying old hospital bills and getting collection calls for newer ones I don't think I can manage paying for that as well.  Which is why I haven't given up on Isagenix.  I owe it to myself and to my family to give this my all.  Even when I do get depressed about my results.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I have a friend whom I've never met face to face and yet feel as though I've known her for some time.  We share the weight problems, we both have a huge love for our critter kids, we both love to write.  Corresponding with her is always a lot of fun.

So about a month ago she makes the mention about how she was working on some digital art that she was creating.  I asked her about it and she said it was knotwork...like celtic stuff.  Kind of like the celtic cross tattoo that I have on my ankle.  So I asked her a few questions and she told me about a beautiful piece that she made for her husband for his birthday not long ago and gave me a link to it on Facebook.  It was gorgeous.  Tedious, artistic, creative, and VERY time-consuming.  And she offered to create one for me.  I was honored.  I was speechless.  And, of course, I accepted!

This is a small version of the larger one that she created for me. 



While she is creating them she puts a certain energy into it so that it holds that kind of energy.  So not only is it beautiful...but she created it just for me.  I'm planning to frame it and put it in my bedroom so I can see it when I wake up each morning.

What my friend, Bert, doesn't realize is that people don't normally give me things like this for no reason.  Generally there are strings attached or I receive gifts from family and friends for holidays/birthdays, etc.  Normally I am the one who gives to others.  I love to give but rarely ever receive.  And so, what Bert doesn't realize, when she created this beautiful knot work for me...just for me...using so much of her precious time...she made me cry.  Bert, I know you read my blog...thank you...from the bottom of my heart.  You're gift means so very much to me and you are truly a beautiful person inside and out.

I've been watching a show on Hulu called Amazing Adventures of a Nobody-Europe where a guy has to make his way from Paris to Moscow using only 5 Euros per day.  That isn't much!  He relies on the kindness of people to give him places to sleep, food to eat, rides, train tickets, etc.  He doesn't have a lot of luck but when he finds the random kind stranger that helps him out it is touching.  And amazing.  Sometimes it brings a little tear to my eye at the kindness that people can show towards strangers.

Wouldn't it be something if the world were more kind to each other?

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Decidedly unwell

Other than a decidedly awesome song called Unwell (thank you, Matchbox 20)...I am decidedly unwell.

Yesterday evening I had a low calorie green bean casserole for dinner, not remembering that all of the previous times that I'd had it I'd gotten decidedly unwell.  This time was no different.

And so...

From about 10pm on since last night I've had a terribly upset stomach, mega diarrhea that also has the decidedly UNWELL color of black to it!  I know this is too much info but hey, what else am I going to amuse myself with?  I had the last of the pepto last night as well as a Tylenol PM (just one...more than that knocks me out for a week!)  I've sat on the toilet so many times with my book (I'm certainly not going in there without one!) wondering if I was going to puke, as well.  Listening to the sounds of my poor, churning tummy being unhappy about being decidedly unwell.

The upside to being decidedly unwell?  With my body emptying everything in its decidedly unwell system I'm probably also losing a few pounds.  Figures it takes being decidedly unwell to lose it!

So I slept until about 2pm after many interruptions from the mini dog and one decidedly cold and wet nose pushed into my face at least once from big dog.  I ate top ramen because, after doing internet research on decidedly dark diarrhea, it is salty and easy on my system.  Now I'm reclining back in my recliner with mini dog on my lap sharing space with my laptop with a decidedly unwell tummy still making churny noises.  I don't feel good.  I don't want to be awake.  I want to go back to bed and feel sorry for myself for being decidedly unwell.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Almost mid-term

So here we are almost at mid-term again.  Good heavens, where does the time go???  My first math test is on Wednesday and I think I'll do ok.  I'm thinking positively...that's where it begins.  My English class has been a lot of fun so far...the teacher is amazing and the topics we've had to write about are just awesome.  Recently we're working on our 2nd writing assignment and I knew mine was strong but to hear the feedback from the class today was nice.

I've been cleansing today...never a fun ordeal but I've felt as though I've needed it for a few weeks now.  I ran out of the cleansing juice after my 2nd week so I've went without for about 3 weeks now.  It was time!

Kurt's decided to blog again...about some really fun stuff.  So if you haven't been following his blog be sure to do so.  You can find the link on the left side of my blog under Fave Blog links...his blog is called Something/Anything?  He's such a talented writer and I love reading his stuff because he makes me laugh so darn much!

Yesterday we went grocery shopping...a tedious chore that must be done.  You should have seen me reaching to the top shelf for a can of plain almonds.  Of COURSE it was on the top shelf...and of COURSE I couldn't reach them!  And of COURSE Kurt was in the next aisle over looking for something else on the list.  So I stood on my very tippy toes (which isn't far with all the weight I'm carrying) and streeeetched my hand up.  There were 4 cans stacked one on top of the other and so I grabbed the bottom one and verrrry carefully lowered it down to where I could take the top one off of the stack and then very carefully put them all back up onto the top shelf.  I was impressed that I could actually do all of that without dropping anything!  Ahhh the drawbacks of being short.

I took the dogs to their vet appointment a few days ago and was told (I already knew) that Peaches needs to lose a pound or two.  She's got love handles where there needs to be ribs.  So we've been trying to feed them twice a day, morning and evening, out of separate bowls.  Peaches gets only 1/4 cup of food each time.  I was worried about  her because for a while she wasn't eating...but we've found our rhythm.  Phew!  They also both got their shots and Peaches got a mani/pedi done.  MUCH needed!  Her nails were starting to split... :(

Anyway that's all for now...till next time...don't eat any chopped  liver.  Not only does it taste disgusting but it looks disgusting, too!

Monday, March 1, 2010

People like me. They may not like the fact that I'm fat but my personality makes up for it and I make friends quite easily. I have no problems striking up a conversation with a stranger in the checkout line and people have no problems talking to me. I have an inviting aura, I guess.

So what makes me bring this up is there is this guy at the bar that I go to who is so weird. People don't like him. He sits there, by himself at the bar, greasy hair, chain smoking, black leather jacket, earrings. He never buys a drink. He just drinks water with lemon and bugs the customers who dare sit next to him. I don't like him. The bartenders don't like him. People, after sitting next to him for 5 minutes don't like him. He talks to people but it's never an engaging conversation. He claims to be a nurse (and several other professional careers...it changes) and yet he can't afford drinks and brags about all the money he saves and how many toys he's got. He doesn't have any friends. It's sad. But it's reality.

So...what I'm getting at here is...what makes this guy different from me in personality? What makes ME, a fattie, more approachable than him? My charming smile, my effervescent demeanor? Perhaps the fact that I laugh and smile a lot to not only the familiar people but also the unfamiliar? I'm not sure. But you put the two of us, me and this weird guy, near each other at the same bar and people inevitably gravitate towards me more than they do him. Why?

I'd always grown up thinking that people don't like being around fat people...but that's not the case for me. People like being around me. More than they do being around this other guy.

Why? I'd love to hear opinions on this!