I got on the scale today to see if I'd lost anything...anything at all.  And the answer was a big, FAT no!  To be honest, though, I didn't really expect to have.  You see...I've not really been giving my all to this whole weight loss thing this time around.  I mean, yes, I do want to lose weight.  I need to lose weight.  It's not normal to weigh over 300 pounds for anyone...especially if you're under 5 feet tall.  But I've just not been feeling it...it being the weight loss bug.  I've finally figured out why.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of doing something that I've done countless times in my life in one way or another.  I'm tired of not being able to keep the weight loss down.  I'm tired of coming off of a diet and gaining everything right on back, PLUS SOME.  I'm tired.

I'm also tired of not being able to walk from my living room to my bedroom and climbing into bed (perhaps 15 feet start to finish) without huffing and puffing.  I'm tired of walking from my car to my class and being out of breath when I arrive.  I'm tired of not being to walk around the mall without having to take a breather every so often...after a normal walking pace.  I'm tired.

I'm just plain tired.

I'm tired of the expectations of my parents.  My mom and Randy (bless his heart for caring so much!) expect me to lose this weight.  Randy is fronting the bill for it.  I feel the pressure to succeed from that end.  I'm tired of feeling pressure from my wonderful, sweet, caring, beautiful, best friend of a husband because we can't seem to get physical together because I'm always so darn tired! 

I'm tired of being fat.  And I'm tired of dieting.

I'm in quite the quandary, eh?