Oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

I think I am starting to understand the true meaning behind those lyrics.  Bad luck?  Fate?  Life in general.  It is messed up.  No really, it is.  I have my good days and my bad days.  My good and bad years.  And the relentless, never-ending life of bad luck and always being THAT girl...in THAT situation.

Yes...I'm THAT girl in THIS situation.  I'm FAT.  That does not define me....unless I allow it.  And I allow it often.  I'm a happy person, overall.  But when I'm picked over for someone smaller, thinner and prettier than me...I can be a real bitch.  And annoyed.  And frustrated.  Sad.  There are all these emotions rolling around in me.  They go away for a while...but then they come back...rolling in like thunder chasing the wind.  It's life.  It's the way of it.  Can I ever get away from it?  Will I ever have all of my dreams fulfilled?  And more importantly when I die...can I say it was not in vain?  That falling in love with my husband...my best friend...my soul mate...was the greatest achievement of my life?  (He is!)  I don't want to die without impacting someone...without leaving a legacy of some kind behind.  I want people to say my name and think, wow, she was so cool.

I'm rambling.  I don't have a whole lot of clear things to write right now so you get my rambling, ramblingy, ramblings.  Aren't you guys so lucky?? 

I wonder if anyone actually reads my blog entries (other than my biggest fan-my husband).

Speak up if you read my blog!  Leave a comment.  I'll love ya for it!