I've been fat all of my life.  ALL of my life.

I remember huffing and puffing across the field during the last day of school festivities.

I remember passing my peers in the hallways and hearing, "you're fat," beginning a long tape of negative self esteem.

I remember picture day and how I was never able to wear cute outfits for pictures because everything was too small.

I remember school shopping at JC Penny or Sears for clothes that were larger sizes, because they were the only ones who sold them big enough.

I remember getting a cool new shirt with flappy arms and geometric shapes and a really cool wide belt that was to be worn low on the hips and off center and hearing people talk about how fat it made me look.  And the belt never sat low on my hips because my hips held it up.

I remember never being asked out to dances.  Nobody wanted to dance with the fat girl.

I remember I hated clothes shopping.  Hated it.  With a passion.

I remember hating to go to the Diet Center every morning to get on their scales and see how poorly I did.

I remember shopping for swimsuits through the Sears catalog because nobody ever had my size.

I remember the doctor never addressed my obesity, instead telling me to eat better.

I remember when I first started starving myself to lose weight and how hungry I got.

I remember being followed around the halls of my high school by two bullies who made my life miserable by chasing me out to my car while making rude comments and noises.

I remember never feeling completely safe or comfortable in school.

I remember never looking up while walking the halls in high school, trying not to bring attention to myself, and knowing whenever I heard laughter or whispers that it was about me, and I was horrified and turned bright red.

I remember my best friends ditching me once we entered junior high school, because I no longer fit the cool image.  I was so confused.

I remember being such a good friend to people, giving everything and getting nothing in return.  I remember when I stopped giving, the friendships died because I wasn't needed, anymore.

I remember how that totally messed up my mind and heart.

I remember crying so hard, with a broken heart, wondering, "when, WHEN will it be MY turn to be in love??"

I remember wondering asking god, back when I believed in a god, why I was put on earth when nobody wanted me here to begin with.

I remember hating gym class, and eventually getting a doctor's note to be excused from it, because I was afraid of taking showers with other girls.  I knew they'd laugh and rumors would fly about just how fat and hideous I truly was.

I remember that I was never really happy in my youth.  And that is such a shame.

I remember finally realizing that I don't need to be skinny to be happy.

I remember realizing that I don't need to be perfect to be pretty.

I remember realizing that only I could make myself happy.

"Though the people that caused my anxiety over the years probably don't remember what they have said or did, I can never forget."

Inspired by this article.