Along with clarity comes conviction.  At least for me it does.

That night in the rain did something to me.  Short circuited my brain, maybe?  Maybe!  But whatever it did, it's changed me.  Maybe it was so that I would begin the long road of letting go of dreams and starting to create new ones.  Whatever it was, I'm in a better spot mentally.  No longer do I look at my sweet, darling husband and resent the fact that he doesn't want to touch me...because, quite frankly, I'm not sure what I'd do if he did!  I don't have the energy to do much, anyway!  We are in love and that is what matters.  People search their whole lives looking for what we have together...and I'm going to try to remember that.

I've been exercising.  For the past 2 days I've been exercising for 30 minutes each day.  I know it's not a habit yet...and the ritual is still so very new that it can still be broken.  But, here's where the conviction comes in.  I don't want to stop exercising!  Oh, I do look forward to the end of 30 minutes...but at the end of it, I feel great!  I feel accomplished.  And I feel as though I'm doing something to make my body stronger so that I can live longer and make that difference that I spoke of in my previous post.

Along with the exercise I've been sticking more closely to my food intake.  Some days I don't ingest as many calories as I should...but I'm working on it.  I know a common misconception is that fat people eat too much...my problem is that I don't eat enough.  At least of the good stuff.  Sometimes I eat too many brownies, or pieces of cake, or cookies, or, or...ICE CREAM!!!  My weakness is carbs and desserts...but I'm working through that, as well.  I'm trying to recondition my brain to realize that string cheese is just as good (and it is!) as a brownie.  I'm trying to teach my brain that grapes are so much better than a cookie.  I can't change my mindset overnight...but I'm working on it.  And already I'm feeling better about myself.

For the past several months I've been in a slump mentally and certainly physically.  Well, no more.  I'm finished with slumps.  My goal is to lose at least 25 pounds by the 31st.  Think I can do it?

I know I can!