Some people, when they're going through tough times, tend to lose hope and faith in the world around them...and in humankind, in general.  I know I had.  I don't think I've ever been this bad off before and I don't like it.  I don't like being unemployed, I don't like being fat, and I don't like being unhealthy.  I don't like looking at other people around me, working, average looking, being able to buy things without worrying about whether or not it's going to draw on insufficient funds.  I was jealous, envious, and full of negative emotions.

Through all of that, I've found hope in those around me.  Some may call them miracles, but I call it karma.  There are two women that I know whom I've never met face to face, and yet I count them among my bestest of friends; they've recently shown me that love can happen in different ways and at different times.  Completely selfless and freely given.  They've blessed my life.  One, by randomly sending me some bird toys and perches that she no longer needs (20 pounds worth!), and the other by seeing my sadness and despair lately, gifting me with a book from my wish list.  Both ladies completely surprised me and both didn't need to do this.  But in doing it they have shown me that no matter how bad my life is...people still love me, still care.  And their selfless acts have brought tears to my eyes.  To both of you ladies...thank you.  From the bottom of my heart.  My life is better knowing you.

Another friend, one that I've known for several years now, and whom I count as, well, one of my best friends, also performed a random, selfless act of kindness and generosity just yesterday.  He'd been trying to call me for some time now, and, not wanting to subject him to my problems and issues, kept putting him to voicemail.  Finally he threatened to send the police out to check on me if I didn't hear back from him.  Sooo, I called.  We talked.  I poured my heart out to him.  When we were finished, he told me that I had to answer his calls next time around and hung up.  About 20 minutes later he called me back (and I answered!) and asked me if I trusted him.  Of course I said yes...so he gave me a name and address and told me to go there that minute.  I looked it up and saw that it was the grocery store just up the street from where I live.  When I showed up, the manager had a cart full of groceries and food and said that my friend had called him and made arrangements and it was all paid for.  When my husband came home later that afternoon and saw all the food he was incredulous that my friend had done something so kind.  Of course, I spoke with my friend after picking up the groceries and getting back home, and conveyed my sincerest and most heartfelt gratitude to him.  He feels good having done me a favor.  Knowing that it was something that we needed.

Again, a light in the darkness.  A splash of red in a black painting.  A full moon peeking out from behind a dark cloud in a dark sky. 

This morning I heard from my mom.  She and my step-dad went to the hospital there where I owed over 1k in hospital bills from a couple of years ago.  They've been after me to pay and, obviously, we have no money to do so.  I hadn't wanted to go to the hospital back then when I did because I knew that I wouldn't be able to pay for it...and they'd told me that they'd help me if I needed them to.  So...I went.  And they've been charging me ever since.  I didn't know what to do.  So the last time my mom was here with my niece I gave her one of the bills from them and asked her if she'd talk to them for me.  Yesterday her and my step-dad went to the hospital and spoke to them and got 50% removed from the bill and paid off the rest of it.  Granted, this is not a freebie, but it's a big relief to me not having to deal with their letters every month telling me that I owe them.  She SAYS to not worry and pay when I have the money.  This is uncharacteristic of her...and I have to wonder if there's any repercussions to this.  There usually is.  But for now, I will take her for her word, and believe that she means what she says.

And so, through all of this bad stuff happening, there have been bright spots in my life.  Happiness filtering in through those around me.  My friend says that it's because I give so much when I have it that karma is coming back to me when I need it, too.  Maybe my friend is right.  Maybe selfless giving is always the way to go because it makes you feel good inside, and eventually, it comes back to you.

To those who have touched my life in the recent weeks and months, thank you, thank you so much for brightening my life with sunshine.  Life has to get better for me, when I have such kind and wonderful friends and family surrounding me.  There is nowhere for me to go but up!