I suck at goodbyes.  Especially when it's someone I love.  A lot.  Someone like my niece.

My posts this past week, as they have this entire past month, have been sporadic because my niece and mum have been visiting.

Maybe it's because I know what is in store for my niece.  No matter what steps I take to attempt to rectify her current situation with my sister...she still has to go back at some point.  And I knew that when I kissed and hugged her goodbye yesterday that it might just be the last time that I do so.  Not because I'm afraid that something will happen to her physically...but I'm afraid that whatever steps I DO take will be met with retaliation from my sister by not allowing me to ever see my niece again.  Or until she's older and makes up her own mind.  But I'm afraid that the mindset she'd be under then will not be one of positive feelings and memories.  Or possibly the latter but she just won't care.

So...when I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a gargantuan squeeze yesterday afternoon I started to cry because I knew it might be my last.  My last time to hug her, the last time to kiss her, the last time I hear her tell me she loves me in person.  (Ah hell...now I'm teary-eyed again!)

Those of you who know me closely know that I've lost a lot in the way of children in my life.  Fertility issues, nieces and nephews, etc.  So when I said goodbye to my niece it brought back a whole slew of emotions while I wondered what she has in store for her in life.  Whatever it is, it can't be good.  I will do what I can.  And then I must let go and let life take control.

Be well, sweet niece, of mine.  I love you.  And I will see you soon.