Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I have a new found respect for my 9 year old niece, Ashleigh. My sister is just a very unhappy person in general and I'd almost even dare say that she's bipolar. Her moods are so night and day, hot and cold and we just never know what she's going to be like from one moment to the next - what will trigger her moods.
We started this week visit out by diving right in and painting her living room and hallway and ended it with doing a complete 180 on Ashleigh's room. When we began it was bare wood flooring, cat shit and piss on the floors, it STUNK, it had cobwebs, it had bugs I'd never seen before, and it was just a terrible room for a little girl to go to gain sanctuary from the world...and trust me, she needs such a place. BADLY.
Someone mentioned recently that a call to child services is in order. And after this week and seeing how Lisa handles things around here and how filthy it is and how far away from any sort of emergency services it is I would have to agree. I believe once we get back to Utah we should make a phone call to the local CS and let them know what's going on. Ashleigh will be away from it for a month...but maybe, and I'm not even going to allow myself to hope, she won't have to come back here to this hell hole.
This has been a huge eye opener for me. This entire experience. Seeing just exactly what my niece is going through on a daily basis is unbelievable. I thought I had it bad as a kid with a perfectionist for a mother...but my niece has it 100 times worse. I wish I had a magic wand to make it go away.
My niece just came back in here after my sister just yelled at her for not cleaning up cat shit that was on the floor or for getting the load of laundry out of the dryer (there was no load, by the way). She was sad...very sad. I asked her what was wrong and she almost started to cry. She said (with no prompting from me, I might add) that she didn't think it was fair that her mom hasn't gotten up from the couch all day and is making her clean it up. (This is not a little girl exaggerating, this is fact.) She proceeded to unload all of her feelings whilst sitting at the foot of the bed about how her mom is always yelling at her and telling her to do things and how her mom never gets up from the couch and never cooks, or lets her see her friends, or plays arts and crafts with her, or doesn't really do much of anything with her other than watch TV. She told me that unless my sister was drinking she was mean and yelling at her all the time. (While I've been here this past week my sister has consumed about 4 30-packs of beer. In one week!) My heart is breaking for my sweet, sweet niece who is entirely too young to be going through this sort of crap and has grown up far beyond her sweet years, way too fast. I asked her to come sit up next to me and I put my arm around her and she leaned into me and just started to cry. Of course that undid ME. And then not 5 seconds went by before my sister yells out "ASHLEIGH GET IN HERE!" and it all started again.
I am biased, yes. I will admit it. But if I was seeing first hand this kind of thing happening with ANY child I would be concerned and report it. I must do the same with my niece. I simply can't let my sister get away with this sort of behavior. And, for the record, my sister does not have a good track record with her kids. She lost custody of her first baby and never saw him again until he was 19. She completely lost custody of her 2nd and 3rd kids to the state and they were adopted by another family, altogether. And now, Ashleigh.
My sister was reported once before by a teacher who reported that Lisa threw a spoon at Ashleigh and clipped her cheek. Ashleigh was living in foster care for a month, but after taking the required parenting classes and fooling everyone who mattered...she was able to get my niece back. But that's just it...my sister can put on a huge front. She'd be great in Hollywood because she sure can deliver her lines. And she fools everyone. I learned early on in my teens not to trust her and I never will. She's never a person of her word and that's just the sad fact.
My niece deserves to be in a home with loving parents (or caregivers) who will respect her and love her and show her that in many ways. My niece tells me that her mom never tells her that she loves her. Who DOES that???? She never gives her hugs or kisses unless my niece comes to her for them, never compliments her. She just yells at her from the couch while the TV is running and she's got all her cats surrounding her. She loves the damn cats more than she does my niece! Another sad fact. And, since I know my sister, it's really true. *Sigh*
I've went all these years telling myself that I just couldn't get involved in this. That was the reason that I didn't want to visit my sister here in Oklahoma/Arkansas before now. I knew if I did that I'd need to do something about it. My sister would go ballistic if she finds out that I/we will be reporting her to the authorities and so we will need to do so very carefully. If she knows that it is us and gets my niece back, we will never see my niece again.
Dammit, my niece needs someone to stand up for her and be her voice because she's too young to do it herself! I will be that voice for her. I will help this sweet child find her footing again in life so that she can be the child she needs to be...and not the adult she's had to be.
We started this week visit out by diving right in and painting her living room and hallway and ended it with doing a complete 180 on Ashleigh's room. When we began it was bare wood flooring, cat shit and piss on the floors, it STUNK, it had cobwebs, it had bugs I'd never seen before, and it was just a terrible room for a little girl to go to gain sanctuary from the world...and trust me, she needs such a place. BADLY.
Someone mentioned recently that a call to child services is in order. And after this week and seeing how Lisa handles things around here and how filthy it is and how far away from any sort of emergency services it is I would have to agree. I believe once we get back to Utah we should make a phone call to the local CS and let them know what's going on. Ashleigh will be away from it for a month...but maybe, and I'm not even going to allow myself to hope, she won't have to come back here to this hell hole.
This has been a huge eye opener for me. This entire experience. Seeing just exactly what my niece is going through on a daily basis is unbelievable. I thought I had it bad as a kid with a perfectionist for a mother...but my niece has it 100 times worse. I wish I had a magic wand to make it go away.
My niece just came back in here after my sister just yelled at her for not cleaning up cat shit that was on the floor or for getting the load of laundry out of the dryer (there was no load, by the way). She was sad...very sad. I asked her what was wrong and she almost started to cry. She said (with no prompting from me, I might add) that she didn't think it was fair that her mom hasn't gotten up from the couch all day and is making her clean it up. (This is not a little girl exaggerating, this is fact.) She proceeded to unload all of her feelings whilst sitting at the foot of the bed about how her mom is always yelling at her and telling her to do things and how her mom never gets up from the couch and never cooks, or lets her see her friends, or plays arts and crafts with her, or doesn't really do much of anything with her other than watch TV. She told me that unless my sister was drinking she was mean and yelling at her all the time. (While I've been here this past week my sister has consumed about 4 30-packs of beer. In one week!) My heart is breaking for my sweet, sweet niece who is entirely too young to be going through this sort of crap and has grown up far beyond her sweet years, way too fast. I asked her to come sit up next to me and I put my arm around her and she leaned into me and just started to cry. Of course that undid ME. And then not 5 seconds went by before my sister yells out "ASHLEIGH GET IN HERE!" and it all started again.
I am biased, yes. I will admit it. But if I was seeing first hand this kind of thing happening with ANY child I would be concerned and report it. I must do the same with my niece. I simply can't let my sister get away with this sort of behavior. And, for the record, my sister does not have a good track record with her kids. She lost custody of her first baby and never saw him again until he was 19. She completely lost custody of her 2nd and 3rd kids to the state and they were adopted by another family, altogether. And now, Ashleigh.
My sister was reported once before by a teacher who reported that Lisa threw a spoon at Ashleigh and clipped her cheek. Ashleigh was living in foster care for a month, but after taking the required parenting classes and fooling everyone who mattered...she was able to get my niece back. But that's just it...my sister can put on a huge front. She'd be great in Hollywood because she sure can deliver her lines. And she fools everyone. I learned early on in my teens not to trust her and I never will. She's never a person of her word and that's just the sad fact.
My niece deserves to be in a home with loving parents (or caregivers) who will respect her and love her and show her that in many ways. My niece tells me that her mom never tells her that she loves her. Who DOES that???? She never gives her hugs or kisses unless my niece comes to her for them, never compliments her. She just yells at her from the couch while the TV is running and she's got all her cats surrounding her. She loves the damn cats more than she does my niece! Another sad fact. And, since I know my sister, it's really true. *Sigh*
I've went all these years telling myself that I just couldn't get involved in this. That was the reason that I didn't want to visit my sister here in Oklahoma/Arkansas before now. I knew if I did that I'd need to do something about it. My sister would go ballistic if she finds out that I/we will be reporting her to the authorities and so we will need to do so very carefully. If she knows that it is us and gets my niece back, we will never see my niece again.
Dammit, my niece needs someone to stand up for her and be her voice because she's too young to do it herself! I will be that voice for her. I will help this sweet child find her footing again in life so that she can be the child she needs to be...and not the adult she's had to be.
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