I think I may have painted my step-dad in the wrong sort of light because I didn't get my SB card from him! That's so not true! I just wanted to add that for the past several years he's purchased Hummel collector's plates for sisters for both myself and my sister. This year was the final pieces of the set...and I believe there are 10 all total. These are not cheap. They're beautiful and extremely thoughtful on his part. He's always treated me as a daughter, and I think of him as my dad. He's everything that I wish my own father was. This year he also gave me a beautiful cross/heart necklace with a lovely engraved saying on the back. I wear it from time to time and when I do it always reminds me of him. He's given me so much, both in love and material things...I'm ashamed that I may have painted him in a bad light.

Randy...I'm sorry. I love you and appreciate you...and I'm so glad for the large part that you play in my life. You are, and always will be, a blessing to me. Thank you for everything that you've done for me, for us.

(This is a pic that's a few years old...
but he's just as awesome now as he
was then!)

I've started volunteering at the SPCA in Reno. I really enjoy it so far and am able to finally get my cat fix in since K's allergic and we can't have one of our own. The dogs are awesome to play with and walk and the atmosphere there is hopeful. I enjoy being there...and I feel like I'm actually doing something good with the time that would otherwise be spent playing online or worrying about money!

This particular little lady has captured my heart. Her name is Fuzz and she loves to snuggle and be close. She eventually took a cat nap laying back in my arms, cradled like a baby.

Dear blog...

I'm so sorry that I've neglected you so much this past month, or so. Things have been kind of crazy in my life. And even when it wasn't crazy, I just didn't feel like blogging about it. Finding the right words to define something that I have no idea how to define is kind of hard...so sometimes, I just have to say enough for now. Of course, I have kept up on every single Hot 100 posts...even whilst on holiday over Thanksgiving. (I'm aiming to get those peppers!) Ha.

The semester ended a couple of weeks ago with me receiving a 4.0 GPA. I was pretty excited about this fact, because doing so well in math has helped me have a more positive attitude about it all. I'm actually starting to actually LIKE math. *Gasp* Yes, I did say like. I like how there's no gray areas in math....it's cut and dried. This is how you do it, this is the answer. There are no exceptions. Yada yada. I'm surprising myself at how much I'm truly enjoying it.

The last month of the semester I was also working on my English paper...and it was the hardest one that I've had to write, so far. I was stressing over it and just really hoping that it was good enough for an A. I struggled with it...but, alas, I shouldn't have. Everything turned out just fine.

I randomly got a call from my dad about a month ago, as well. He was drunk at the time, and it was hard to talk to him like that. Apparently it's been colder than he's used to where he lives and since he only has warm weather clothes, he doesn't go out in it. So instead of getting his daily exercise and social time he stays holed up inside and drinks beer and smokes all day. This is not a good activity for anyone...but especially him. It prevents him from having any human contact, as well as all that beer is causing him to put on weight again. And he's going just a little senile, as well. He has these crazy conspiracies about people out to get him.

Anyway, during the conversation I asked him if he had decided whether or not he was going to come to Reno to visit us over xmas. He started rambling on about how he doesn't owe Reno anything and Reno doesn't owe him...and that he left Reno on a bad note. Now, when my dad and I first started talking again after so many years, he kept telling me that there were things that he wanted to tell me about that time...but that he was waiting for the right time. Suddenly, I think he believes he's already told me. When I asked him why he left Reno, he told me, "I've already told you, Shauna, but you just never listen..." I told him that he hadn't told me anything about what went on when we hadn't seen each other...and once again, in his drunken slur and booze induced, über emotional way, he once again tells me that I never listen to him when he talks. Where the hell does he get that shit from??? Maybe when I was 14 and thought I knew more than he did...but that's certainly not the case NOW!

Needless to say, it really affected me and now I'm afraid to call him to talk because I worry that he'll start on another tirade again. I didn't see or talk to my dad for 14 years...I had no idea where he was, or what he was doing. I had no idea if he was even alive. I'm enjoying getting to know him while we're both adults, but this crap with him thinking this stuff about me is over and above....

The holidays are rarely good for me these days. With each year that passes, I see my friends' kids growing up, celebrating xmas, settling into a quiet suburbian life, whilst K and I are struggling with my being unemployed and going to school. We don't celebrate xmas because we have no money. People say that it's about giving and not receiving.... Well...we don't have money to give...therefore we don't receive. We received 2 gifts this year, one from my mom and step-dad, and one from our wonderful friends, Richard and Holly. The generosity from the latter never ceases to amaze us. K and Richard essentially grew up together and it hasn't been until we added them both on Facebook that we began to be more involved with them and their lives, and vice versa. My mom and step-dad sent us a check with a note to spend it on something fun for ourselves. Well, most of us know what happens with checks. It gets deposited in the bank and bills get paid. I tried to explain to her that we need things from our wish list...and that there were plenty of GC's on there to choose from...but alas, we got a check...which went towards our power bill, I believe. :) Hey...it was used for a good cause, at least.

It's funny, really, but ever since I met my step-dad he'd started giving me a Starbucks gift card every xmas. Then last year he forgot and I mentioned it to him over Thanksgiving while we were visiting. He said he could have swore he'd sent me one last year and that he'd be sure to remember this year. What he doesn't realize is that THAT is the ONE thing that I look forward to every year. Not money, not anything else. The one thing that I have found the most enjoyment in was the Starbucks card that he used to send. What can I say? I'm a SB girl! So I was pretty excited for this year's card...I thought for sure that he'd send me one. But he didn't. I know that I should never expect something like that...it makes me seem rather frivolous and greedy...but I couldn't help (and still can't) but feel let down and despondent about not receiving one. When one doesn't even receive a gift of any sort from her husband, there are very few things that one can look forward to....that was mine.

Add to all of that the fact that I'm married to scrooge, whom doesn't appreciate even decorating or carols...and it makes for a very sad and very depressing time of year. I'm very happy to see the end in sight so that we can get on with our lives....and hopefully this year will bring more cheer than this last one.

We attended an xmas eve Christian service with our friends, Richard and Holly, and had a fun time. We went over to their house afterward and had pizza and eggnog and rum. The company was fun, the atmosphere was certainly more pleasant than at our house, and for once, I felt a bit of the spirit of the holiday. It was good.

In reminiscence of my post written previously, I feel the need to reconvey the same message once again.

1) I might not like your songs (which is VERY likely)
2) It starts all over again ON EVERY SINGLE PAGE
3) It disturbs the current song I’m listening to
4) I get a sudden heartattack when the song starts playing out of no where.
5) It slows down my internet.
6) I will leave your blog RIGHT AWAY.

This past week has obviously been rather different in terms of food intake and the like. However, that being said, I still managed to lose .5 pounds. I'll take it! I attribute it to the fact that I didn't stop my exercise regime. I Continued my 60 minute daily with my uber hills and all!

As for my Hot 100 goals...

My official grades were posted and I received A's in all classes. Woohoo!

My water intake was so-so this week. I could have done better. The days that I did get it in, I usually got more than my 3L so I consider that I did fairly well there, as well.

Exercise...well, that's been the easiest goal that I've had and thankfully I've not struggled with it much. I struggle sometimes to get ON and start...but I'm always so very grateful after I finish that I did. I just love how I feel afterwards. It's amazing. :)

Over the past 20 years it's been beaten into us that smoking around children/babies is wrong. My question is...if you smoke, do you do so around your indoor pets? Do you believe that their health balances precariously, just as small children's does, in your hands, or is an animal's health less important because, after all, it IS just an animal?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one...and please vote in the embedded poll!

Thanks!

If you have indoor pets, do you smoke around them?

I had a .5 pound loss this week. I'm okay with it because I know that, a) It's THAT time of the month, b) I didn't do so well with my water intake this week and, c) I had 3 lattes this week (all non-fat, sugar free...but still). All of those combined makes for a lean loss...but like I said, I'm okay with it since I know all of that...and besides, it's a loss, not a gain! Sweet!

As for the rest of my goals for Hot 100...I am doing awesome. Still doing my exercise, and...the semester has ended with me having a 4.0 GPA. Woohoo! I'm totally stoked!

I've had a great week! Only two more finals to take, and I'm free for a month before the new classes start! Woohoo!

I've been working out like a fiend, adding my steep inclines to work up my larger calorie-burning muscles in my legs. It paid off in a 2.5 pound loss, making me officially over my 50 pound weight loss mark by .5 pounds. Woohoo! I'm pretty stoked about that! (As if you couldn't tell!)

My goals for Hot 100 have been good, as well. Water intake, exercise, and school are all doing great. There were some days this past week that I got more than my goal of 2L of water in (more like 4L), and one day that I barely got in 1L but for the most part...obviously, I did pretty darn good! I'm happy with the end results.

This past week has allowed me to ponder on a lot of things that I'm thankful for in my life. Perhaps I always get this way during this time of year as I see the hub-bub of the holidays consume people; the retail rat race controlling the masses. There are a lot of things that I'm thankful for...my husband, most definitely, because he loves me in spite of my ditziness and fatness, and he keeps me grounded when I most need it. I've never known a man who was more perfect for me than him. I guess that makes it a good thing that I married him!

I'm thankful for our kids, they're growing and thriving and as far as I can tell...they're all pretty spoiled and happy!

I'm thankful for the opportunity that I'm able to get to know my dad again. After so many years of having him absent from my life, it's so nice to not only have him back in it, but somewhat nearby so that K and I can go see him from time to time.

I'm thankful for my step-dad. I've known him less than 10 years but I feel as though he's always been there as my father. He's so very giving and supportive and would give the shirt off of his back if he knew it would help. I couldn't ask for a better man as a dad and as a husband for my mom.

I'm thankful for the chance that I've had to reunite, albeit via facebook only at this point, with family on my dad's side. After my grandmother died I sort of lost touch with them and it's wonderful to be able to be back in contact with them, despite the fact that along with the reunion online, I also learned of the deaths of a favorite aunt and an uncle. I'd have liked to have known about my aunt and have attended her funeral. I guess my uncle didn't have a service.

I'm thankful for my sister, without her I'd never have an example of what not to do in life! I say that as a good thing. She just never seems to have her life under control and it saddens me that my sweet niece is a product of such instability. It is what it is, though.

Finally, I am thankful for my mom. I often complain about some of the things that she does, and I tell myself that I won't do some of those things...but overall, she's always been there for me. Without her presence in my life growing up, I'd have turned out more messed up than I am! Kidding, kidding... While my dad was rarely around when I was an older child, my mom was always there. She raised me well, with a good set of morals and I don't think that I turned out so bad. She's my mom, I will always love her, no matter how imperfect she is...after all, nobody IS perfect. I know that I'm not! She's done her best to always have a home for me to return to, she and my step-dad put me up for over a year while I was working in Utah a couple of years ago. I don't know how long she'll keep her house, the house where I grew up, because I know that they would both prefer a ranch style house, with just one floor. But for the time being, it's always great to go "home". I love to remember parts of my childhood and where they happened in the house and yard...I will miss that if it goes away, but will certainly understand if it does.

There is one thing that bums me out, though, and that is that I don't have many pics of us with me as a child. I wish that weren't the case.

Needless to say, I wouldn't be the woman that I am today without the care and love of my mom. We may not have been the most demonstrative family in the world, but I always knew that I was loved by her actions.

I love you mom!

There are a lot of things that fat people have to deal with besides discrimination and lack of energy. And a lot of it is stuff that the average person has no idea that we have to deal with. If you're of a significantly larger size then you'll know just where I'm coming from when I talk about this.

One of the things that obese and super obese people have to deal with on a semi-regular basis, is the smell. Don't kid yourself...you all know what I'm talking about whether you want to admit it or not. If you're morbidly obese then you've been there, done that...and hopefully, by now, have learned how to deal with it so that it's not so malodorous. I know that when I was younger it used to mortify me. But, as you mature, you learn tricks so that you don't have to worry about it affecting not only your life but those around you, as well.

I'll first address the WHY of it all. As fatties, we have folds of skin where most people do not: under our bellies, boobies, love handles, behind our knees, and even in those more private regions. Because of that, they get sweaty/humid and yeast and bacteria grow, often even causing sores, which then release a clear liquid that the body is trying to clean itself with. With all of those factors combined, it's no wonder that it begins to smell funky. And funky it is! Never fear, though, for there are ways around this unpleasant odor.

The first trick that I ever learned was using plain, old deodorant/antiperspirant. Not just under your arms, but in all of the folds that you can reach! I use mine on my love handles and behind my knees. Those are my problem areas. But it will work wherever there are folds of skin. Use it twice a day and you'll never smell the repugnant smell again.

There are also other things that people do like using a blow dryer multiple times each day on their folds to ensure that they stay dry...however, that's not always an easy solution as I'm not sure about you, but I don't make a habit of carrying a blow dryer around in my purse!

Nystatin is another useful took to use between folds to help prevent yeast from thriving, combined with Polysporin Powder to help with the smell.

I've tried using lotions and potions and powders to the problem, and the best one that I ever came up with was the deodorant. Do you have any suggestions to help control the rancid smell that is associated with being obese? Share if you do!

Hey everyone! So it's been a week since Thanksgiving, and even with my waning enthusiasm, I still lost over 3 pounds, to put me below where I was before the holiday. I'm at my lowest weight by 1.5 pounds that I've been since this attempt at getting healthy. I only have 2 more pounds until I hit the big 5-0. I'm ready to pass it and get on with the next big milestone of 1-0-0!!! Now that will be fun!

As for my goals, as much as I wasn't feeling it this whole week, I still got on the treadmill and did my hour of cardio. I amp'ed up my regime by adding extreme inclines, then a smaller incline, then über steep again. I'm really trying to work my quads, hams, and gluts by doing that, because, as we all know, muscles burn calories faster! I'm gonna have a J-Lo butt before all is said and done, at this rate! But hey...at least she's still a size 6!!!

I'm doing super great in school...I had a math test last Thursday and I believe I did pretty well. I'm not going to assume much, though, as the last time that I assumed, I didn't do as well as I expected! Hopefully we'll have our grades back on Tuesday so I can know for sure.

My water intake has waned a little this past week, and I'm really making an effort to step it up again. I think that by doing that, that I'll be able to lose more quicker.

So there you have it. My weekly update...and as much as I was dreading getting on the scale this morning, it's all turned out for the good.

Being home with my mom and step-dad, it reminds me of how much I don't want to be like my mom.  At least personality-wise.  She can be pretty fake, at times.  She likes to give and take.  It's difficult, sometimes, to live with it....but it is who and what she is.  I don't know her any other way.

When she was dating my step-dad, she went on hikes with him in the mountains, took long walks, did a lot of outdoor activities with him.  Once they got married, she developed a less than desirable dislike for the very things that she did while dating him.  I wonder if she knows that that can be cause for legal annulment...misrepresenting yourself.  I know that she's got problems with her feet...but she's had those problems for years and years.  She had them while dating him.  She just didn't complain, and she always participated in their dates wholeheartedly.

Something silly that still goes on, is that she got a new SUV a few years ago.  She put a downpayment on it, approximately half of the price, and now he is making two payments per month on it until it's paid off.  Unfortunately, although he's paying half of the car's total, she rarely allows him to drive it.  He mentioned once that it's like asking your controling parent to borrow the car and getting the run around.

In spite of all of that, my step-dad seems to genuinely love her, and for that, I'm glad.  She needs someone in her life to complain to, laugh with, and experience the twilight years of her life with.  I just know that I hope I don't get like that with my husband.  Here's to the future!

With Thanksgiving this week and then the subsequent leftovers, it's no wonder that I've gained almost 2 pounds...however, I was expecting something a lot worse than that!  I'm actually prety stoked.  Granted, that weight is on my mom's scale because I'm not home to use mine.  Hopefully mine doesn't differ too much, though.  I suppose I'll find out next week when I weigh again.

As far as my goals...  I brought my homework to do and have gotten it done.  Well, half anyway.  I still need to do some revisions on my English essay...maybe today sometime.  My water intake has been terrible.  It's so hard to get it all in when I'm not at home.  Sure, there is water available here, of course there is...but it's still just hard to get it in.  Also, I've gotten in my exercise, except for thanksgiving day.  We were traveling still, and then once we arrived in Utah we immediately went to dinner with the family...there wasn't any time left over to exercise.  I didn't worry too much about it, though.

So anyway, that's where I'm at.  A small gain, but it was to be expected.  I'm excited that I didn't do worse!

Well, my goals went okay this week.  The only one that I did wholeheartedly was exercise.  Even though I was sick, I still got that in.  Also, because I wasn't feeling so good, I put off doing my homework until today, so I had a bunch of math that I needed to get up to date on.  Not good to fall behind on math!  Even if it IS easy.

Unfortunately, my water intake and my exercise didn't do crap for my weight loss.  In fact, I gained back the 1/2 pound that I lost last week.  I just don't understand...I was on a roll and now it's just stopped.  Any ideas?  Suggestions?

I do know that I ate some stuff early on in the week that I shouldn't have.  K and I stayed overnight at one of the local hotel/casinos and went to a cheap movie there.  We stopped at the candy store next to it and bought some taffy and other random pieces of candy.  Between the two of us it was gone within 2 days.  But...because I wasn't feeling so good about all of that, I did a two day cleanse where the only things I ate were one apple on the first day and 2 hard boiled eggs on the second day.  And a TON of water.  You'd think with all of that, that I'd have lost at least a pound.  I'm so bummed.

I do wonder, though, if it has to do with the fact that we were out of food in the house, so I wasn't able to eat healthy snacks between meals, therefore eating a little more than I should have of the regular meals.  I know the importance of having a snack between meals...a healthy one, that is.  Usually I eat a couple tangerines, or slice up a small apple....generally fruit of some kind.  Anyhoo...

I'm bummed.  And I dunno if I'll have a loss next week since it's Thanksgiving, and all.  Here's hoping.

I've caught a cold somewhere. It's had me dragging for the past couple of days, and I still am not up to par. I've been living with Vicks on my upper lip to clear my sinuses. My head is all achy and stuff from being all stuffy. It's a bummer...but I'm glad it's happening this weekend instead of next weekend over Thanksgiving.

But...in spite of feeling like complete shit...I've still been exercising every day! Still doing my 60 minutes on the treadmill, 6 days per week. I was telling my husband the other day that it's habit now...my day doesn't feel complete until I have exercised. And I love the feeling of those endorphins zipping through my body during and right after I get on the treadmill....it's like a natural high! I love the euphoria!

Exercise...it does a body good!

I've been maintaining just the bare bones of my blog lately, and I feel rather guilty because of it.  I'm sorry, dear blog, for neglecting you.  I realize that you need to keep up with my life, too.

That being said....finals are coming up, which pretty much means I'll be absent as I have been for at least another few weeks!  Sorry, dear blog, but I can't help it!

Branching off....I'm doing really well in my classes!  Pretty sure I've got an A in math, and know that I've got one in English.  I also just signed up for Spring classes, math, writing fiction, and digital photography.  I'm really excited for them.

Always look both ways before crossing a one way street to avoid any...unpleasantness.

Just saying.

I'm not sure what I did this week that I didn't do the past 2 weeks...but for whatever reason, I only lost .5 pounds this week.  :(  I so totally wanted to break that 50 pound mark.  Ah well...maybe next week.

As for my Hot 100 goals...

Doing really well on those.  I've been drinking at least 2.5 litres of water each day, doing really well in school, and exercising is awesome!  Can I just repeat that last one...EXERCISING IS AWESOME!!

K and I are going to be doing a locals 2 night stay at a local hotel/casino (Grand Sierra) that we got for free.  We're also going to hit the movie theatre there and finally see Inception.  The prices to the theatre are only $3 per person...and you can bring your own snacks (fruit!) and the seating is loveseats.

So anyhoo...we'll be running back and forth between home and there over the next couple of days.  It'll be nice to not have a little mini dog parked between us while we sleep for a couple of nights, at least!

I'm doing a little combining this week with this post.  I'm doing awesome with my Hot 100 goals.  Last week I got in every bit of my 2.5 Litres of water that I wanted to get in each day.  I excercised daily for an hour doing cardio on the treadmill, and I'm loving school...and enjoying my family.  Things are going really well now for me...and that makes me really happy.

Now for the weigh-in...

The drumroll please...

After a week's worth of nothing but carb dinners, I thought for sure that I was going to gain a pound or two, even though I still ate in moderation.  I was really dreading today's weigh-in.

I worried for naught.

I lost SIX pounds!!!  I'm totally stoked!  Woohoo!!!  Go me!

Since I didn't update my weight loss last week due to the scale needing a new battery, this is for a 2 week span.  If you haven't already glanced at my ticker, I lost 6½ pounds, making it an official 40 pounds lost since I started eating better and exercising.  Go me!  Yay!

I'm doing really well on my goals that I set for Hot 100.  I got all of my water in this week, I got a B on my math test (I think I may have mentioned that already, though), and I've gotten my English essay turned in and have began to research my 3rd essay.  I also exercised every day this week...sadly, even today, since in lieu of my treadmill I ended up doing a nice workout of housework.  Who knew it was such a sweat inducer?

Anyhoo...I'm doing really well on my goals, and I'm pretty proud of myself with the treadmill and water intake.

I'm looking forward to the coming week!

I discovered this morning, as I was getting dressed for a hurried trip to the pharmacy, that one of the downsides (of many) of yo-yo dieting...is the vast range in clothing sizes that you have in your closet.  You see...I was wearing size 8 Right Fit jeans from Venezia (Lane Bryant) last winter.  (I'll go more into Right Fit, in a moment.)  Now, I wear a size 5.  Do I have any size 5 Right Fits?  Oh no.  I have size 8's...and I have size 4's.  I tried on the 4's and they're just a wee bit too tight...and I definitely can no longer wear the 8's.  And I totally can't afford to go buy more with being unemployed.  Great...just swell.  It's friggin' cold out...and I'm having to wear capri's or sweatpants!  WTF???

OK, Right Fit jeans...I used to swear by these things.  I have the old style...but they've recently changed them - for the worse!  Lane Bryant...oh how can you do this to me???  I loved my Right Fits...and now, now they don't fit right...how can a Right Fit fit wrong???  I don't know how they managed it...but they messed EVERYTHING up on these perfect jeans.  The old sizes are no longer the correct sizes, and they fit all wrong...tight in spots they shouldn't be...baggy in spots that shouldn't be...and after a couple of hours the whole darn bit of them is 2 sizes larger than when you put them on!  And don't get me started on the change in fabric!  It's thinner, less durable, and frays easily!  Lane Bryant...bring back the old style...this is one upgrade that was actually a DOWN grade!!!

(As I've mentioned previously...I go for so long without posting, or posting only a weekly update, and then suddenly I become a posting fiend!)

One of the drugs that I was put on by my doctor, due to a pre-diabetic situation and crazy hormone levels, is Metformin.  Now, I know that I've talked about this before, and it'll probably pop up from time to time later on, as well.

One of the grant side-effects of Metformin is that you have any number of a variety of Gastro Intestinal issues as side effects such as bloating, diarrhea, nausea, gas, headaches, blah, blah, blah....

The main side effect for most is diarrhea.  Most suffer from it on a daily basis....I get it from time to time...but not every day.  My biggest problem is bloating.  My stomach feels constantly full.  Sometimes so much that I feel like I can't take in a deep breath because of it; or even that I can't breath normally.  Naturally that isn't the case, and it's just the crazy side effects.

One of the things that it does is stabilize the insulin levels.  I have wonky levels due to various other issues, namely being fat, and so I was always craving sweet stuff and carbs, because my body was always thinking that it was needing them.  Nowadays, not only do I not suffer from those cravings, but I don't crave food at all.  Don't get me wrong...I enjoy food, I love food.  But these days, the idea of eating anything, even fruit, makes me nausous and want to vomit.  The result is that I end up forgetting to eat, because I don't want to eat...and then, of course, I don't get enough calories in, which we all know makes your body go into starvation mode, yada yada...

So I set timers to remind me to eat meals and snacks.  I never in a million years imagined that I'd have to FORCE myself to eat enough of something so that I got enough calories in.  It's the oddest thing.  Nowadays, I eat less than my husband...that's NEVER been the case!  Ever!

So, despite the bloating feeling, I'm totally lovin' my Metformin.

Metformin....ask your doctor about it today!  Haha.  I am in no way getting paid to plug this drug.  Haha.

Friday night I had another fainting spell.  It's the second time that I've actually fainted since I started on my blood pressure medication a couple of years ago.  Frankly, I questioned whether or not I needed to go on it to begin with...but trusting in the advise of my doctor, I agreed.  My blood pressure before I started taking Lisinopril was approximately 130/90'ish...give or take.  Now it's not uncommon for it to be around 100/70.  Needless to say, that's a considerable drop.  I think it's a bit TOO considerable, which is probably why the light-headedness that followed.  Anyhoo...it was probably about a month after I began taking it that I had my first fainting spell.  I was at work, just leaning back in my chair, and the next thing I knew I was opening my eyes, was very confused, and my boss was looking at me and asking me if I was okay.  That was the first time that I ever fainted.

Ever since, I've had the craziest feelings come over my body when I stand up and/or stretch.  I get really light-headed, and my entire body kind of has this tingley, out-of-body feeling about it.  It sounds crazy...but if you suffer from the same thing then you totally know what I'm talking about.  I've came really close to fainting numerous times since the start of the meds...but until Friday night, I'd only actually full-on fainted the one time.  Generally when I stand up, I stretch...it's habit, it's what I do...it's what a lot of people do.  Stretching feels good, it loosens up the muscles that have went unused for a little while, and gets the blood pumping again.  For most people with normal blood pressure levels, it's no big deal.  It wasn't a big deal for me before the meds.  But now, it's a crazy, lurchy feeling in the pit of my tummy...

So anyway, Friday night, I'd just stood up from my recliner and was walking into the bathroom (not a long walk, perhaps a few feet through a mini hallway), and I started getting the funky feeling mid-way.  So I stopped, propped my arms out against the walls on either side of me, and was just standing there...

Next thing I knew I was singing the same song that was running through my head when I was standing...but I was lying prone, staring up at the ceiling and watching K walking towards me from the couch, and asking me if I hit my head and if I was okay.  I was a bit confused, realized what must have happened, and was a little weirded out.  But I was fine, afterwards.  No problem.  But, it does force me to beg the question...should I be taking blood pressure meds anymore...or maybe if such a high dosage.  It's not a high dose, anyway, but still....

With my regular exercise these days, I don't know if it's necessary anymore to be taking it...especially when it causes me to feel this crazy when I just stand up..let alone when I faint.

I have another doctor's appointment in December as a follow-up to a couple other meds that I've been taking, as well as to check-in with my weight loss (yes, I finally sought the help from a doctor regarding my weight loss).  I'll talk to her then about what's going on.  Unless I faint again, in which case, I'll probably call her sooner than that!

Sometimes it's best to just not say anything...that way the woman in the car next to you doesn't have the opportunity to jump out, come around, and yell at you for disturbing her phone call.

Can you say...bluetooth headset????

And finally, the weekly weigh-in...

Will not be happening today.  I went to get on the scale this morning only to discover that the battery needs to be replaced.  It couldn't have told me when I got off of it last week?  Sheesh.

So, hopefully K will remember to buy one tomorrow (even with the emailed reminder from me he sometimes forgets.)  If that happens, then the weight in will commence on Tuesday morning.  Sorry peeps!

OK, so maybe she's not a SERIAL killer...but she's definitely got a lust for doing demonic things to birds. Seriously. I'm not kidding.

Since I got her, just before she turned 1 year old, she's always loved to catch and murder small birds. The problem is is that she doesn't stop at just killing them. Oh no...no way. She has to rip their little birdie heads off. And usually the head disappears into the secret netherland of doggyville that exists in the backyard somewhere. I've never found a single birdie head. But I've sure found a lot of decapitated, murdered little feathered beings. I don't know if she takes some evil sort of delight in fucking with the defenseless creatures, or if she's just got that lust for blood that is ingrained in her genetics...whatever it is...it's disturbing.

When I tell her, "Peaches...I don't want to find another decapitated birdie in the backyard!"

This is the look that I get from her...

I've been participating in the Hot 100 for the past several weeks...and for those of you who are too lazy to click on any links or icons on my blog, it's basically just giving people an opportunity to set and achieve goals for the remaining 100 days of the year.  It's a contest held by Steve over at LogMyLoss.

Anyway, my goals are as follows:

Drink at least 2½ Litres of water each day...I had been struggling with this one, but I made a concentrated effort this week to "git 'er done" and I did!  I finally had a week where I got all the water in that I wanted to get in...each day!

I've also set the goal to continue my daily exercise, and that one I've had no trouble with.  I don't allow myself to not do it just because I don't feel like it...I do it every day but Sunday (I give myself one day each week of rest).  So far this goal has been, by far, the easiest one to achieve.

The final goal that I set for myself was to do as well as possible with school while also maintaining a happy family,  So far I'm doing pretty good in that arena, as well.  Doing really well in math...and, as always, great in English. 

If you're older and considering whether or not you should go back to school for whatever reason...I'm a strong advocate!  I was a little nervous before my first semester back...but now I'm just having so much fun learning!

I've been so remiss on writing...and I know it.  I've been so busy with writing English essays for class, and studying math.  I had to drop my Spanish class because I wasn't catching on nearly as fast as I was hoping to, and I wasn't doing very well on tests...so I dropped it.  I didn't want my GPA to suffer from an elective class.  I may take it again at a later time...but who knows?

Anyway, school's going well.  I'm getting an A in English, of course, and I believe I'm getting an A in math, as well.  We just had our 2nd math test last Thursday so I won't know how I did until Tuesday...but I'm pretty sure I did okay.

I'm starting to consider which classes to take for next semester.  I'll be finished with my English pre-req's...but I really love taking classes from Patty...so I may end up taking her English 102 to satisfy another pre-req...either that or Writing Fiction.  Either one would be fun...but I sure love Patty's classes!  I'm also going to be signing up for a digital photography class.  That, believe it or not, also satisfies a pre-req and would not be considered an elective.  I find that funny.  All these amazing classes available that are considered pre-req's.  Although, there is one class that I am required to take that is about computers...kind of like a beginners course; I need MS Word 97 on my computer for it...can you say barf?!  I know all the stuff the class teaches already...and yet it is still a pre-req.  I guess my mac is gonna have to deal with having a microcrap product installed on it for a few months at some point.  Gack!

I'm doing well with my goals, except for the water.  I knew, when I set the goal, that I was going to have some problems.  I really need to get that water in.  My two other goals, doing my best in school and I'm still excercising daily.  However, when I got on the scale this morning it showed only a maintain.  I suppose it's better than a gain, but dang!  I really need a loss!  Granted, I could be PMS'ing, which certainly does promote water retention and other uglies, so hopefully that's the reason and that next week will be another big loss again.

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It's best to not stick your head out the window of a moving vehicle and shout in glee...

Less bugs caught in your mouth that way!

I lost 1.5 pounds this past week.  I'm pretty sure that it's less because I didn't get in as much water as I meant to.  Things just tend to get away with my thoughts and I totally forget to drink water.  I don't drink anything!  I really need to work on that, as it is one of my goals, AND because it's just better for me to keep myself fully hydrated.

Don't get me wrong, though, I'll definitely take 1.5 pounds, as opposed to a gain!  I was so worried that I'd gain some of what I'd lost in the last few weeks back.  I don't know why I was worried...I didn't stray into the naughty foods beyond reason this past week...but I think it was mostly because I thought I'd jinxed myself.  Thank goodness that I didn't!

My daily exercise is still going strong, 50 minutes on the treadmill, 6 days each week.  I'm really proud of that, going from my extremely sendentary lifestyle to exercising and getting my target heartrate up to fat burning, that's impressive for me!

School is good.  I turned in my first English essay last Thursday, and we were assigned our next essay topic last Tuesday.  So this time around I'll be writing about music videos, their message, what the deeper meaning is, if any, and compare and contrast to others.  I've chosen music videos from the 80's because the 80's rule; Debbie Gibson's, Lost In Your Eyes, Poison's, Talk Dirty To Me, Def Leppard's, Love Bites, and Madonna's, Like A Virgin.  Should make for interesting writing...and hopefully reading!

Spanish is going...I'm really struggling with my conjugation of verbs...but I'm determined.  I may not end up on the Dean's list next year, but I'll know how to speak better Spanish, mark my words!  Of course, I'm not saying that I'm going to strop striving for all A's, but realistically I just don't see that happening in Spanish class.  But I'm still gonna try!

OK, maybe scare is the wrong word to use...maybe, disturb would be better.

Gnomes...and clowns.

They both belong in the same category, in my opinion. They're evil, scary, devious, and appear to be hiding something behind their big grins.

What, eh, disturbs you???

I got on the scale this morning, and, as you might have noticed my ticker in the top right, I lost a whopping SIX pounds this past week! 

Now people, before you get all concerned, I'm eating!  Sometimes, I think I'm eating too much.  But I'm changing my habits.  No longer do I head to Starbucks for my frappaccino after classes during the week, nor do I hit McD's several times a week.  I eat healthy dinners that my husband prepares on a daily basis (ok, ALMOST daily), smaller portion sizes, healthy desserts like peaches and nectarines and grapes, as opposed to ice cream.  HOWEVER, I am not denying myself my favorite things.  Once each week, on Saturdays, I treat myself to McD's.  I get a caramel frappé, three mcdoubles, and a large fry.  Normally, I am only able to finish the fries and a burger, sipping on the frappé most of the evening, leaving two burgers left over for whenever. 

I bought two pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream almost a month ago, and ice cream, ladies and gents, is my weakness.  I have only ate one pint of the two!  I'm just not craving it.  And when I think about wanting something sweet, I go to the fruit in the fridge before I go to the ice cream.  OR, we also have Minute Maid's frozen juice bar that are a treat, as well.  I'm not depriving myself.  I'm not starving by any means.  I'm getting in around 1000 calories per day, give or take. 

I am exercising on a regular basis, walking at the correct target heart rate speed, as opposed to going as fast as I could, as far as I could, in the least amount of time that I could.  In doing this, I'm burning fat instead of muscle.  All calories are not alike!  Burn the right ones!

I'm getting my water in.  It was one of my Hot 100 goals, and I've been doing awesome at it.

Another goal was to put the most effort that I could possibly give towards school and my family.  Well, my family is fine, however, I didn't do so well on my first spanish test.  Oh, I passed, that's not the issue.  But it was with a C+.  What the hell???  I can do much better than that.  And it's because I didn't study nearly as much as I should, for it.  So, that's my goal this week, in particular, to get my flash cards created and work on those.  I need to learn the conjugations that we've went over, backwards and forwards.  No excuses!

So that's it for the week.  Obviously, I've gotten a lot of things off of my chest in the past couple of days.  Woohoo!  It's my mutli-posting again!

The other day I was watching the first season of Drop Dead Diva's second episode, The "F" Word.  She reiterated what I've been telling people for many years now...it's OKAY to say that you are FAT, if that is, indeed, what you are!  Don't fluff it up by calling it various other adjectives like large, full-figured, yada yada.  We are what we are....do we believe that by calling it something else that it will make it less so; or that others will believe we're less fat if we call it by another name?  I used to think that way a very long time ago.  I could never call myself fat.  I was so embarrassed by it, and I would turn red as a beet if anyone so much as LOOKED at me, let alone called me fat.  I'd end up in tears, more times than not.  But it wasn't until I was in my 30's that I began to accept myself as being who and what I was.  I accepted that I will NEVER be a size 4.  Hell, I'll never be a size 10!  But that's ok.  I'm becoming more and more healthy by choosing the right foods to eat, the right amounts to eat, and by exercising on a regular basis.

When I first began to accept myself, I took a picture of me and did a bit of photoshopping to it and came up with the following image:

I'm not saying that it's healthy to be fat.  Far from it.  But being fat doesn't mean that you can't enjoy life, enjoy being you, and love every moment of it all.  And if people give you that LOOK, and we all know what that is, look them straight in the eye and tell them.... "I know I'm fat, but I'm cool with that!"  Nothing makes a person speechless, embarrassed, and chagrined, than being confronted with what they thought they'd never be confronted with...because they felt that they were somehow superior to us.

Be proud, be you!

First, to set the mood....a song...

First, I want to clarify something....I don't feel anger about this any longer, but it took me quite some time to not.  What I feel is hurt, a deep hurt....and, hopefully, if you're a fellow dog lover, you will understand why.  I just need to write this down; I hope that it will help aid in my healing over this issue.

When I was little, around 6, or so, we got a Cocker Spaniel puppy and we named her Mitzi.  My childhood is FULL of memories with her in them.  We even bred her 4 times and enjoyed baby puppies (22 of them, to be exact).  You can imagine, that this sweet dog was most definitely an integral part of my growing up.  She lived to be, I think, around 14 or 15 years old (people years, of course), before she died.  Towards the end of her life she was blind and deaf and very obese.  She was this chubby little Cocker with such a beautiful and sweet disposition, and, as long as we didn't move around the furniture, she didn't do too bad at getting around!  She gave love just as freely at the end of her life as she did when we first got her...more so, even.  (Doesn't love grow when it's nurtured?)

I grew up and left home to be a nanny for a year.  I lived only miles away, but in a different city.  One day I came home and Mitzi wasn't there.  I asked my mom and she didn't say anything, and I didn't really think much of it.  I thought perhaps she was outside.  So I let it go.  Then a few days later when I was there again, I again, asked what happened to her, and joked that my mom had taken her to the vet to have her put to sleep.  Again, silence from my mom.  When I looked at her, I knew that that was the correct answer.  She had, in fact, taken Mitzi to the vet and had her put down.  Now, I don't know if Mitzi was sick, or if the vet suggested that she do it due to quality of life, I don't know, and my mom has never been terribly clear about the whole thing.  But whatever it was, Mitzi had given us 14 years of her life.  When I prompted my mom, she told me that she had taken Mitzi to the vet and left her there before she was put down.  THAT is the part that hurts me.  Mitzi is the only family pet that we ever had, whom we didn't bury in the backyard.  I don't understand.  And what I REALLY don't understand is how my mom could have just LEFT Mitzi there, in a strange, cold, sterile environment, surrounded by strangers, in her final moments.  She just LEFT her there...after Mitzi gave us so many years of her LIFE...never leaving our side, always there when we needed to cry, or a hug, or just the contact of warm love...  My mom just left her there.  Abandoned in her final breaths of life.  And she didn't even want the body to bury her.  She just...threw her out like a piece of trash.

What I don't understand is how my mom, who is an animal lover like myself, although maybe not as extreme, could do that?  I sit here, with tears falling down my face and my mini dog snuggling up to me with a very concerned look on her face, just uncomprehending of such an act.  As hard, and as heart breaking as it will be when we lose our babies, we will always be there, by their sides, until the very end.  I can't imagine not being there.  After all of the love, tears, hugs, kindness, understanding, consolation, and acceptance that they've shown us....how can we think about NOT being there???

OK, maybe I am still a bit bitter about the whole thing.  I think about it every so often, and it just makes it hurt all over again...like the proverbial bandaid ripping off of a wound.  My heart hurts for Mitzi's fear and terror, being left in such a cold place with her family nowhere near, unable to see or hear, abandoned and alone.  Why on earth did my mom do such a thing?  I've tried asking her about it a few times, but she never gives me any straight answers.  Perhaps that is why I'm unable to leave it in the past.

I don't want my mom to think that this is an attack on her or her present character as we all grow and learn from past mistakes, and I'm almost certain she's learned from this particular one, but it's lived in me, festering, bubbling up from time to time, and this anger takes over, quickly overcome with hurt and sadness that it happened at all.

Mitzi, I know you're waiting for me on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge, no pain, full sight and hearing restored, playing with your other friends, there.  I can only hope that you can forgive me for not being there...for surely I would have been, had I known.  I would not have deserted you in the end.  To you, I dedicate this song....

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I was thinking to myself earlier today, whilst trying to locate the THR for obese people, that being short really messes up exercise info.  Most information out there is based on the average woman's size/height.  We already know my size is far above where it should be, but my height, that's where things get tricky.  See, I was looking for songs to jam to for exercising, and came across numerous sites that said along the lines of "these are great for warm ups and these are great for full on cardio..."  The thing is...my legs are too darn short to walk that fast!  My full on cardio is their equivalent of warming up!  So basically, all of the songs that I'm able to listen to with the right BPM are slow and boring....  So, of course I just said f**k it and downloaded what I wanted.  I just think it sucks.

OK...vent over.  :)

For a better part of this morning, I've been searching for what the average target heart rate should be in morbidly obese women.  It's like looking for a needle in a haystack, or a needle in a stack of needles (as Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds, likes to say).  But, FINALLY, after figuring out my resting heart rate, my maximum heart rate, yada yada (of course, all of these are based on the average body), I found a website that told me the percentage of my maximum heart rate that I should be targeting for MY exercise regime.  If that makes any sense, and you're still with me, after figuring that out, I found a calculator that corroborates my findings, so I thought that I'd share it with you.  Thank you, Nutribody, for providing us fatties with the information that we need the most.

I knew that, being morbidly obese, my heart rate was going to be different from that of the average woman's body.  I just needed to find it online!  The page also has the other regulars...BMI, etc.  But the THR calculator is spot on if you're obese.

I woke up this morning and remembered to get on the scale before doing anything else...except pee.  Hey!  Every bit counts, right?  So anyway, I get on, expecting at best a maintain, at worst a gain of a pound or two.  It's been the bloaty, uggy, feeling that I was thinking was going to be the culprit.

I got on the scale, too a deep breath, and looked down.....

I lost 4 pounds this past week!  FOUR POUNDS!!!!  I'm totally stoked, of course.  I had no idea.  I mean, I KNEW that feelin' uggy was making my appetite non-existant, but THIS was much better than I'd hoped for.  Needless to say, ran back into the bedroom and jumped into bed next to K with a big grin on my face.  When he didn't respond, I put my grinning face 2 inches from his and just held it there.  He opened his eyes not 5 seconds later.  I told him my news and he was proud of me, too.

I spent the rest of the day feeling uggy and doing my English paper.  I got it finished after about 4 hours of steady work on it.  Funny, but I don't really think of it as work.  I ENJOY writing...go figure.

Anyhoo...just wanted to give the news of the update, and hope everyone out there in cyberland is going to have a great week ahead of them!

The past few days the Metformin has had me feeling pretty uggy.  (Yes, I know, uggy is not a real word....but it is in MY world!)  Anyway, I've been feeling uber bloated, and not hungry at all.  And what's the most scary is that ice cream isn't even good to me, right now.  Neither are McD's fries!  I tried eating some Ben & Jerry's last night and only got a few spoonfuls in before I started feeling nauseous.  The fries were the same way....I ate maybe five of them before I stopped, because it was making me sick.  Even a frappaccino isn't tasty to me!  Since when has THAT ever happened????

I know Metformin is supposed to quell my cravings for carbs and sugar, but DAYUM....

It's also another TOTM for me.  Talk about a shocker - 5 weeks to the day.  I'm impressed.  Going from over a year, to twice in a row.  I'm not sure what's better...this uggy feeling caused from the Metformin, or being regular again.  At the moment, I'm just not sure!  Ask me in a week, or two. 

In the meantime, I forgot to weigh myself this morning in my preoccupation with my Spanish test, so I'll weigh tomorrow.  I hope that this uggy, bloaty feeling doesn't affect it, but it probably will.  It usually does.

I haven't had a chance to start checking everyone's blogs out, but I promise to get to it in the next day, or so.  Currently, I'm working on an English paper, and studying for a math test!  My life's a mess, at the moment.  But after the paper is turned in and the math test is over, I should have a few moments to myself before needing to do it all over again!  I do love being back in school!  :D

I know, I know...it's me again with my multiple posts.  Ha.  I can't help it!

If any of you are following, I will ALWAYS update my ticker in the top right corner of the blog, even if I don't get to blogging the update for a few days.  Every Saturday you will see an update...unless, of course, it's a no loss/no gain...in which case, you'll just have to wonder until I update.  Haha.

So, now that that's out of the way, last Saturday, the scale said that I'd lost another 2 pounds.  I'm SO stoked.  That means that, so far, since I started my determined weight loss journey, I've lost about 25 pounds.  My guess is a little less, now, but I won't know for sure until Saturday morning.

So, I was celebrating just a little in my heart and mind last weekend.  I'm so stoked for myself!

And I'm still treadmilling daily, with the exception of Sundays, for 50 minutes on a 7% incline now.  I upped the incline.  I like feeling the burn in my buns.  Ha.

My, oh my, was I wrong when I thought that Spanish would be an easier course.  Don't get me wrong, it's fun, but ay dios mio, it's much more difficult than I imagined it would be!  I mean, here I was thinking that I know some words here and there from living where I do and watching TV, it should be a cinch!  NOT! 

Now, if I were wanting to learn CONVERSATIONAL Spanish, which is what one would learn if one were to be 100% immersed in a Spanish speaking country for 6 months, then I would do just that!  But, nooo, I have to go and learn the book Spanish! 

I have a test on Saturday, the first one of the semester, and I'm a little nervous...can you tell? 

I was studying with my friend, Angela, who is from El Salvador (Angie, I'm so sorry if I remembered wrong!), and speaks English as her 2nd language, earlier today.  She was like, "What the f**k, Shauna, this isn't how we speak Spanish!"  Hahaha.  She was great with helping me, though, and I cherish her for that.  We met during Spring semester when we had math and english together.  We are taking English together again, however, she's now ahead of me, by one, in math, cuz she took a summer class.  It works out, though, cuz my strong suits are her weaknesses, and vice versa.  Plus, she's just a fun girl to hang out with!

Math is going well, too.  It's funny that when I was doing this level before, in my life, I had such a hard time wrapping my head around it and grasping the concepts.  But, I'm learning, that math is actually quite easy...and it makes sense.  Where else do the rules NEVER change???  Certainly not in English!  So, I'm learning a deep respect for numbers, and variables, and integers, and geometric shapes, and, and, and.....  You get the idea.

English has been great so far.  I'm taking the same instructor that I had during Spring semester because she just totally rocks.  Patty's definitely one of the better instructors that I've had, since being back in school.  And, I've learned, that there are definitely bad ones!  We have a first paper draft due on Tuesday, so this weekend I'll be writing like a fiend.  I think, maybe, that's why I'm catching up on my blog NOW.  Because I know that I may not have another down moment during this weekend, between studying for Spanish, writing my English paper, and studying for my math test, which is on Tuesday.  God, I love college!  I love having my brain work again!  I feel so dormant during the summer months!

One of the blogs that I follow, Donut Therapy, mentioned this awesome challenge happening over at another blog, Log My Loss.  Now, some of you may know that I'm rather competitive with myself.  I don't mind so much competing against others, because, essentially, why do I care what other people think???  This is my journey, my goal, my loss, my life - should I really care about competing with others?  No.  However, and this is a big HOWEVER, I do compete with myself.  I wonder if that makes as much sense written out as it does in my head....  I don't feel TOO bad when I don't lose..or when I gain a little...but I do feel a little bit bad.  So anyway, I'm rambling.

Basically, this challenge is about the last 100 days of the year.  I will let Steve, from Log My Loss, explain it to you better. 

"What is the Hot 100?  The Hot 100 is a challenge focused on the last 100 days of 2010.  September 23, 2010 starts the clock.  From that day forward there are exactly 100 days left in 2010.  One hundred days to make this your year.  One hundred days to achieve your goals.  One hundred days, each and every one of which can be a great day!"

I DO want to mention that, although he mentions September 23, he's giving everyone until October 1 to be in the game.

And so, as I mentioned, this isn't a challenge against others...but WITH others.  Hopefully, with all of the great support available out there, we can ALL achieve our goals.  Now, part of the Hot 100, is that I need to set some goals for myself.  At least three.  That's easy enough, so here goes....

1. Keep up with my current water intake.  My current goal is 2.5 Litres per day.  Sometimes I drink a little more, most of the time I drink a little less.  I need to stay on top of it.  It's hard to do when I'm in class part of the week.  The instructors frown on jumping up to pee every 10 minutes!  But, I'll learn to deal with it.
2. Keep up with my current treadmill goal.  I've successfully made it to the point where it's become a habit, and one that I enjoy, but some days are much harder to get my arse on there than others.  I'm sure most of you understand where I'm coming from with this!
3. Whatever I do, no matter what happens, I will maintain a positive attitude towards not only my weight loss journey, but my school, family, and money issues.  When I allow the rest of my life to take over my mind,  it affects the rest of what I'm setting out to accomplish.  This needs to stop.

So that's it.  You can click on the links within this post to go check out the challenge info, or you can find (and click) on the link in the sidebar, to the right.  I hope to see you joining this challenge with myself, and many others, as we all share the common goal of wanting to be healthy.

Let's hear a "BOOYAH!!!"

Do you fellow fatties ever have people just look at you in disgust?  No longer do they actually SAY anything to your face about how fat you are...but instead just look at you with a mix of "I'm so glad I'm not you" and, "stop eating donuts, you fat pig!"  Seriously....get off it.  If I'm this fat...I don't need your snooty looks reminding me.  I am reminded practically every moment of every day...from the time I wake up in the morning with a sore back to the time I crawl into bed at night with aching knees, feet and ankles.  I don't need you to remind me that I'm fat!

You know what you REALLY need to do?  You need to reevaluate yourself.  Seriously.  If you want to put forth the effort into shooting iced daggers towards me, just stop.  Ask yourself why are you even bothering?  Am I bothering YOU?  Am I in your way?  Am I taking up half of your airline seat?  The answer is no.  I don't fly anymore because I know I"m too fat.  Besides...it's freakin' embarrassing asking for the damn seatbelt extender!  So why are you bothering wasting negative emotions on me; someone you don't even know?  No, I get that you didn't SAY anything...but you were the kid back in my formative years who never missed an opportunity to do so!  You're the one who stalked me through the halls, oinking at me, laughing at me, harrassing me, and making me feel like I was inferior to you.

Guess what?  I'm not.  In fact, I'm quite smart.  What have YOU done with YOUR life, I might ask?  I'm absolutely, positively happy with the choices that I've made in MINE.  Are YOU?

So before you look at me like I'm the scourged, epitome of evil....take a moment to reflect on just what it is that you're angry at me for.  My guess?  Jealousy.  Because I don't have to worry about being a size 2....ever.  Why bother try to achieve the unachievable?  To me...it's a waste of MY time and my energy.  I have far more important things to be spending it all on.  Work, family, learning, growing.

So go ahead...have at it.  But if you're meaning to make me feel bad?  Don't bother, because....

I am rubber, you are glue....

(Note: This is not an event that has happened to me recently, but instead one of many instances of this sort that happened to me when I was young.  I write about it in support of others who may not be as strong as I am now, to help them stand up and to give them a voice.  Or at least let them know that they're not alone.)

I gained .5 pounds this past week.  I've been feeling pretty bloaty all week from the Metformin so I'm pretty sure that's what's going on.  The exercise is still happening and nothing has really changed.  I'm a little bummed out...but I can't let it get me down too much.  I can only go forward from here.  That's all I want!

In getting back in touch with my cousins and other relatives from my dad's family, I've learned some disturbing news.  The first, I can't remember if I mentioned this already in my previous blog, my Aunt R had died back in 2007.  I was saddened.  She is an integral part of my childhood memories.  To know that I will never see her again is difficult for me to comprehend, yet I must.  The second, my Uncle F has passed away, as well.  I was floored upon hearing that news.  So much has happened that I didn't know about...so much sadness.  My uncle didn't have any services, though, so I suppose there's not much that I could have done, anyway.

My dad has been holding a pretty large and drastic grudge against my Aunt R, though, for the past 15 years, or so.  He kinda got himself off track after my folks first split up and he ended up on a lot of people's shit lists (including mine); at which point he disappeared for 14 years.  Nobody had heard from him.  Nobody knew where he was; how he was.  It was like he was just gone...from existance.  For a few years, I'd check in with my Aunt R to see if she'd heard anything from him...of course, the answer was always negative.  Eventually, I moved on with my life, giving up on the idea that I'd see him again.

And now I learn of my dad's two siblings' deaths.  He's lost a brother and a sister.  I wonder if that will be cause enough for him to reach out to his remaining family again.  I'm truly hoping so.  So now, K and I are planning a trip over the hill this coming weekend, to see my dad.  I need to break the news of their deaths to him.  I'm not really sure how to do it...or what his reaction will be.  How would I feel if someone were to tell me that my sister had died?  I honestly don't know.  I love my sister, no matter our huge and vast differences, and, to me, she's just always out THERE.  I always know that I can pick up the phone and call her if I wanted to...not that I do that very often....but, for instance, her birthday is coming up...I'll call her then.  What would I do if I couldn't do that anymore?  Knowing that whatever disagreements we had going on could no longer be resolved...  I love my sister.  I hope my dad cares about his siblings the way that I do about my sister.

I suppose I needed to go see him again soon, anyway.  He's been calling me with computer/internet questions...he'll never learn if I don't show him at least a few times!

About a week ago, my friend, Christopher, contacted me via Facebook to see if both myself and my husband could help him pack up his house to move on Thursday and Friday.  After conferring with K about it, we went after he got off work on Thursday to help out.  When we walked in the place was barely even touched by way of packing.  And it was a huge house!  So much to do...and all by Saturday!  Yikes!  K and I went to town on packing up the kitchen...easily the biggest pain in the ass of any moving project due to all the glassware and individual packing.  We got, perhaps, 1/2 of the kitchen done before we needed to get back home to get some rest.  I returned the following day to finish up and help wherever else I was able.  We didn't have a lot of help....a few people at any given time...but we managed to get his house packed up and ready to go by Friday's end.  It was amazing; working together to get things done was smooth and it felt great to be helping out a friend.  And, although he insisted on paying us, it still felt good to help him out.  I'd have helped him out either way.

Best of luck with your move, Christopher.  I am sorry for the reason why you're having to go, and best of luck with all of that.

So after my last blog entry, I was feeling relatively nostalgic and, once again, decided to attempt to locate some of my dad's side of the family on Facebook again; to no avail.  I just couldn't find any of them!  So, I started wondering if I was spelling anything right...or if, perhaps, some weren't even using any of their maiden names.  An a-ha moment on my part, to say the least.  But I still couldn't figure out how I'd find them, if that were the case.  Till I remembered a super awesome people finder website called Zaba Search.  In the results that it brings up you can click on a name and see all the other names that are associated with that person...maiden name, children's names, etc.  And it finds everything...phone numbers, addresses, yada yada.  So, I popped in one of my relatives names...and sure enough, I found them!  And then, by looking up that name on Facebook, I was able to find that person...and using their list of friends, found oh so many more!  Needless to say, I'm pretty stoked about the whole thing.  I was bummed to learn that my aunt Rita had died back in '07.  She is a huge part of my childhood memories...and I would have loved to have been able to attend her funeral.  :(  I'm honestly unsure why I wasn't notified.  My mom has always been in the phone book, and to get a hold of me they could have called her.  But, I suppose it's all water under the brige at this point.  I'm just happy that we're in touch again.  It's been so long.  And, I'm in touch with a cousin that I barely remember (they lived in ME while growing up so I think I only met them once when I was a kid), which is neat in, and of, itself.

And so...in honor of finding my relatives...I give you this song to listen to.

You know how the stereotypical male is supposed to be big and strong and brave?  Well, let me tell you something that happened to myself and my husband a few days ago...

Lately, we've had a cricket just outside our kitchen window.  We still have the windows open so when he'd start up we could hear him throughout the house.  There's a big ol' bush outside of there so we figured that's where he was, because there are others in the other bushes just like it around the yard.  I believe that little guy was chirping his lil heart out for about 3 nights in a row before we didn't hear him anymore.  We figured he'd moved on...obviously he wasn't getting any action with the females in that locale, right? 

We were given a respite for one night and then we started hearing chirping coming from the front windows in the living room.  We hang out in there, so it was even more obvious than before...if that can even be possible!  He was LOUD.  I was curious to see just where he was, so I went outside and around to that window and he was muffled in sound.  The lil thing was INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!  So I go to the window inside and kind of pull the curtain aside to see if I could spot him anywhere nearby and couldn't...but he was definitely chirping away.  My husband kind of tapped the curtain with his hand, causing the little guy to quiet down for a few seconds before starting right back up again.  So my husband pulled the curtain back, again, to see if he could spot anything and then decided against leaning down for a closer look at the last second.  He swatted the curtain back closed and said something like, "I'm not going to mess with it!  I don't want it to jump out at me!"  I almost couldn't contain my laughter.  I did laugh.  I told him, "it's a good thing that we both don't like bugs!"  To which he indignantly responded, "well, at least I kill them when you ask me to."  I can't fault him there.  He does that.  When I'm squealing and jumping around, he calmly (even though I know his heart is racing) flattens the iniquitous bug with much aplomb.

So yesterday, I was thinking to myself about all the things that my family used to do on Labor Day weekend.  Well, not ALL the things...mostly just one thing.  But it was a huge thing that we looked forward to every year.  My whole side of my dad's family and us got together and camped at the amusement park that was an hour's drive from us.  We'd load up the trailer, tents, sleeping bags, etc. and head out.  We'd meet up with everyone there, and all camp together.  We'd buy a 3 day pass, which back then was hugely affordable in comparison to nowadays, and have so much fun!  My sister and I would wake up at the crack of dawn with the rest of our cousins, and we'd wait, and wait, and WAAAAAIIIITTTTT, till we heard to them starting up the rides and testing them out...and then the countdown was on.  We could barely choke down breakfast due to our excitement.  And when the park opened?  Well, our parents didn't see us until lunchtime and then closing time.  We were much too busy to stop for dinner!  Oh the rides, the rollercoasters, the log flume, the merry-go-round, the ferris wheel, the sky tram....so, so, SO much to do....and so little time.  Food?  What was that?!  I remember going through the haunted houses so many times that they weren't scary anymore, so much as just silly and it made us laugh so hard!  I remember taking my first rollercoaster ride on the big coaster with my dad when I was 5 (I BARELY met the height requirement) and it scared the shit out of me cuz I almost fell out since the bar didn't go all the way down to my lap.  I didn't ride another coaster for a few years after that.  Silly me!  Oh the thrills that I missed because of that fear!

I remember one labor day when we were camped out there in the trailer, my sister and I had walked over to the community showers and were walking back in our towels and flip-flops/barefeet.  My sister got in the trailer first and then I reached out to keep the screen door open and I got electrocuted.  Not just a little shock...but as in my entire body was buzzing and my fingers couldn't move and were locked on the handle of the screen door.  I started to just hang there on the door...vaguely hearing my mom telling me to stop playing on the door, and then exclaiming that something was wrong, that I couldn't let go.  I remember my sister taking a flying leap and knocking me to the ground.  I remember feeling worn out and tingley for the rest of the night.  Apparently, I needed to wear flip-flops in the damp grass before grabbing hold of the metal door.  Haha.  That was a scary experience.  But it wasn't scary enough to keep me down the rest of the night or following days.  The only thing that changed was that, even though I was wearing proper foot gear, I made someone lift me into the trailer from that point on.  I didn't want to risk another electrocution!  Yikes!

Those were certainly the fun times.  Back when my grandparents were both alive, and keeping the family together.  My grandfather passed away around 1992 and my grandmother passed around 1998'ish.  After that, the family just never got together anymore.  Of course, by that time, also, my parents were divorced, but we were always invited to family get-togethers.  My dad never showed up to them.  Long story there.  But after grandma died...there was just never any reason to keep in touch.  Now, I don't even know where any of them are, or if they're ok.  I imagine we'd hear from someone if there were a death...at least, I'd hope so.  But who knows?  I do miss the get-togethers.  I miss all of my cousins.  I never really got to know my cousins on my mom's side...so we're not close.  But the ones on my dad's side...we were always hanging out together.

But those are whole other stories.  This was about my memories of Labor day weekends of the past.  Fond memories.  Fun memories.  Amazing memories.

I just finished my 50 min workout on the treadmill for the day.  I was starting to wonder if I was gonna get around to it today.  I kept meaning to do it earlier...and time just kept passing by.  So, around 9:30 I put my shape-ups on and told my husband that I was going back to exercise.  He was starting to wonder if I was gonna exercise today, too!  It's always so hard to get ON the treadmill...but after I start it feels too good to stop.  And afterwards, I feel so great that I'm totally glad that I didn't put it off.  It's just gathering up that gumption to "git 'er done" that's the hard part.  I'm really proud of myself for sticking to my regime and not giving up.  I'm so glad to see the pounds slowly coming off, and I'm so glad that I'm able to move around a little easier.

AND...I'm so glad that I went down a pant size!  Woohoo!  I have so many clothes of all different sizes that I won't be having any issues with actually affording new ones for a while.  But I'm stoked about losing a size.  Nothing feels better than putting on a pair of capris that I've not been able to wear all summer...just as summer's ending.  Haha.  Oh the irony!  And next summer they'll be too big.  Ah well...c'est la vie.

OK, so the title has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm about to post...but I thought it might get a laugh.

The first week of school is done and the 2nd week is about to start.  I'm not so fond of my math teacher, but perhaps she'll grow on me.  I just need to know and learn the material.  That's it!  My English teacher is the same one that I had last semester (half of the class are previous students, as well...ya gotta love that, if you're the teacher!)  I'm really looking forward to her class this year.  I've only had one Spanish class, so far.  It's supposed to be every Saturday and she'd told us a couple weeks ago that she'd have a sub there on the 4th, so the class all show up and the building is locked up tighter than a virgin with her knees locked together!  Hmmm, a little crude humor there...can't hurt!  Haha.  So we're all wondering what the heck is going on and a campus cop drives up and tells us the campus is closed till Tuesday for the Labor Day weekend.  Well, apparently she didn't get the memo!  Que pasa????

I lost another pound in 5 days.  Which, I considered quite good, since I had pizza two days in a row.  The first night fresh...the second night, leftovers.  So I'm happy for that.  I chalk it up to having kept on exercising.

Speaking of exercising....I've deemed myself officially addicted to it.  So, I've given myself Sundays off.  I didn't want to skip any days before now because I knew if I did it'd get too hard to get back into the swing of things.  But I've got it down, now, and I'm ok to take a day off per week.  Sundays are the day.  It's laundry day, anyway.  I'm still doing 50 minutes, but I've notched my speed up by .2 mph and added a 6% incline.  For the first few days my ass was killin' me!  It was definitely letting me know that it was there!  Not that I needed the reminder!  But I'm good now...and I'm feeling my gluts and hamstrings firming up from the incline work.  I love the feeling.  And I've got a killer playlist now.  It took me a while to get it tweaked just right...but it's there now.  Lots of classic rock and stuff from the 80's and 90's.  Good stuff!

I'm proud of myself that I can walk into my husband's work building now without getting all huffy and puffy, anymore.  It's quite a ways from the parking lot and I always hated going to see him cuz it's so freakin' far away!  Haha.  I can also take the stairs at school with no problem and can walk faster without getting out of breath.  For the average person in average shape that's no big deal.  For me?  It's a huge milestone.  It's reasons like that that keep me exercising every day.  That and seeing the pounds falling off.  Woohoo!

Doing my Flashdance thang....  I was walking...so it's blurry.

I've not missed any days yet.  I'm stoked.  I'm still doing 50 minutes each day, but I'm adding a 6% incline.  Talk about workin' my BUTT off!!!

Tina tagged me so I need to answer her 8 questions and then think up some of my own.  So here goes!

1. What pets do you have?  2 parrots and 2 doggies

2. What is your favorite color?  Lately it's been purple.  But I can't go wrong with red, either.

3. What TV show are you addicted too?  I'm not really addicted to any one particular show.  My husband and I don't own a tv but we do watch tv series' from netflix.  We mostly like crime stuff like CSI, Criminal Minds, etc.

4. How tall are you?  4'11"

5. Have you ever got a speeding ticket? How many!  Oh yes.  When I was driving my little red eclipse I got 3 of them.  That's been the only time I've been ticketed.  I've been stopped many other times, though.

6. If you could wave a magic wand, what one thing would you change about yourself instantly? (physical or otherwise)  My weight.  I don't want to be skinny, but I'd love to be a size 12/14 again!

7.What one thing do you love about yourself, and wouldn't change? (physical or otherwise)  My extrovertedness.  I do love to chat up anyone who will take the time!

8. How long do you think you will keep up your blog? forever?  I've never really ever given this much thought.  This is certainly the longest running blog that I've had.  I hope to keep it going for long term, years, centuries...whatever.  Haha.

And now my questions:

1) List something that you do that mortifies you when you do it.

2) Have you ever wished that you could read animals minds?

3) What has been the biggest obstacle that you've overcome thus far in your life?

4) Which shoe do you put on first?  Right or left?

5) Do you exercise regularly and if so, what is your exercise of choice?

6) Have you ever been in love with someone that you could never have?

7) If you could take your dream vacation, where would you go and why?

8) Do you speak any foreign languages?  If so, which ones?

I'm only tagging Tina cuz I don't know if anyone else reads my blog on a regular basis!  But if you have a moment, I'd love to hear your answers to my questions!

The past several weeks have been crazy hectic.  Preparing for school, getting my student loan, getting the new computer (FINALLY), K's computer dying, K's computer being in the shop for a week, getting K's computer back for a few days and having it die on us again, K's computer BACK in the shop for another week, K and I calling them every day for updates that we never received, me finally calling and demanding to speak with the store manager (fuck those little peon assistant mgrs!), chewing him out for having geniuses with no brains, him assuring me that they do, indeed have brains, him telling me K's computer is officially on the shelf and not working and that they'll send a new computer to replace it (improved and updated), waiting yet another week for new computer to arrive, meanwhile, watching our shows on Hulu and Netflix dvd's on my new laptop, me not having the time I wanted or needed to keep up with MY stuff, mom visiting us and turning the house upside down for the yard sale and a huge clean-up of the back room, school starting last Saturday instead of on Tuesday (as I was planning) and me finding out just a day before, first week of school down, english will be fun but math may be a challenge, Spanish...well, I dunno yet!  And finally, being broke again, as we've paid everything and still need the remainder for K's student loan through January.

Being broke is no new thing, obviously.  But I sure do dream a lot of when I'll have my degree and be able to pursue a career that I love.

As for the weight loss...I may not have been writing in my blog but I don't forget to update my little ticker in the top right.  I didn't meet my semi-unrealistic goal of 25 pounds in one month...but I did lose a decent 12 pounds.  I will take it!!!  The 25 would have happened if I weren't on my anti-depressants.  But that's ok.  Like I said...I'm happy!